Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?
The language of commitment gets thrown around a lot in the personal development field, and it's never quite sat right with me.
Maybe that's because I'm a commitment-phobe and so are a lot of my clients
I hear people ask...
What are you committed to?
What would it look like to fully commit to your goals?
It's presented as if commitment is the only way to see change in your life.
But I don’t buy it. Hear me out
I was strategizing with a client this past week around what it’s going to take for her to start showing up for herself and she realized there was something about *committing* that wasn’t working for her
There are a few options at this point – blame yourself / blame the client - or - admit that there could be a different way and be open to co-creating that
When we checked in with her body, committing felt restrictive and contracted.
Committing clearly hadn't been working for her since she'd been...
Have you ever considered why you have the job you have?
Why you went to the school you went to?
Why you’re into the things you’re into — why those sports or those teams or those hobbies?
Why you have an affinity for the specific foods or cultures you are drawn to?
Or for me like why do I love otters so freaking much !?! jokes, but srsly I love them.
When I trace back so many of the pivotal “decisions” in my life they weren’t even really decisions; they were just things I fell into because they were the next natural step or what my parents or society expected of me.
I can’t even think of an example from my life before five years ago that I made consciously because I wanted to do it.
Which begs the question… who am I really? What do I want? What do I like? How do I know what I truly stand for and that I’m not just living someone else’s life?
I’ve done a lot of different things to try to figure that out —...
A lot of the conversation around pleasure is around you getting to have what you most want. I’m obviously here for this message!
But when we’ve been so conditioned (and we have been!) to believe there’s a specific range of what’s possible for us, there’s a very high likelihood that we don’t even know what we want.
We go through the world with these kinds of blinders on.
Everything in our area of focus is a logical possibility for our life, based on what we know about ourselves, people like us, our history, and how things have gone for us up until now.
But what about everything outside of view? Just beyond your current expected reality?
What if what you most deeply want for your life is just out of view, just outside the range of what you think is possible and what you can allow yourself to imagine?
I’ve been realizing the extent to which I still deny myself what I most want.
When I refuse to make eye contact with anyone, when what...
We drove up the west coast of Ireland a couple weeks ago after a friend's wedding and stopped in a national park to stretch our legs on one of our long driving days.
It had been raining hard that morning and we bundled fully prepared for it to start coming down again on our walk.
We parked and made our way down to the trailhead and started along the loop.
It felt good to stretch our legs and see the wild beauty of the stark tundra-esque landscape.
Eventually we got to a decision point in the trail where we either continued on the same loop back down or went another three miles straight up to the top of a peak overlooking the coastline.
I assumed it wasn't even a decision. We had already been driving for a couple hours and still had a couple more to go with some other stops we were planning to make. We simply didn't have the time to do the extra hike.
Apparently that was not evident and my partner surprised me by assuming we were absolutely going to climb the mountain.
Have you ever considered how much you actually like not feeling good?
I know it’s a bizarre question, but trust me it’s one worth investigating.
Humans are neurologically wired to focus on the negative, what's not working, what needs to be fixed (google negativity bias.) In fact, we spend inordinate amounts of time trying to solve problems that don't even exist!
This is partly what it is to be human and have this big ‘ole brain that's designed for SURVIVAL (aka problem solving and scanning for threats) vs THRIVING (aka actually enjoying life).
But this doesn't have to be your reality.
There are very practical strategies you can use to see the good, feel the good and actually let yourself take in the good.
Here's what I mean by taking in the good (or rather what I DON'T mean)...
Do you know someone who is rich but miserable?
Do you know someone who lives in the most beautiful place on earth but doesn't enjoy it?
Do you know someone or are you that someone who has...
I got my nails done today.
I flipped through the color samples and chose a bright warm red labeled number 113 that looked like it might be the color I really like at the other salon I usually go to.
The nail tech brought out the bottle that corresponded to the sample I selected and set it down on the counter while she filed and shaped my nails.
While she fixed up my scraggly nails, I looked at the color of the bottle and realized it was more orange than I wanted and likely wasn’t the warm red that I had thought it was.
Then I had to decide if I was going to say something…
Some of you think this is ridiculous and wouldn’t blink an eyelash at sending food back if it wasn’t what you expected or asking for an adjustment to a haircut or other service.
In this situation, she hadn’t even painted my nails yet, it was really NOT a big thing to ask.
Those of you who hesitate…you get it. It’s that pesky people pleasing self-preservation instinct...
Letting yourself be happy is one of the hardest things you’ll do as an adult
Who am I to be happy when the world is falling apart?
Who am I to be happy when there is so much suffering?
Who am I to enjoy what I have when others have so little?
The guilt and shame are toxic
They compound and fester
And they help no one, not you and not anyone
You get to enjoy your life because you do
This is the lesson pleasure is here to teach you
The holy truth is this: when you are filled up your natural generosity can pour forth
Giving to yourself is not selfish, it’s the *only* way you can be generous without over giving and crossing your own boundaries
You get to be resourced, supported and happy AND trust yourself to be kind and generous to others when you feel moved to do so
I dare you to prioritize your joy, pleasure and happiness for one week and see what happens
Are you game?
The Everyday Pleasure Challenge starts next week and it might just be the best thing I’ve ever...
Do you struggle to let yourself feel good and enjoy your life, especially when the world is on fire?
Do you feel guilty for your privilege and wonder who the f am I to get to prioritize my joy and happiness?
Are you often stuck in your head solving problems, even ones that don’t exist yet, instead of enjoying what’s right in front of you?
Are you looking for all the things that are wrong in your life instead of the things that are right?
If you answered yes to any of the above, ooof do I feel you!
What would it be like to practice letting in any amount of joy and pleasure in your life that you can access?
Even with the bed unmade, messy hair, laundry in the floor, dishes in the sink, existential crises and good-hearted intentions abounding
You still get to feel good
That’s the lesson pleasure is here to teach you
If there were a magic pill or secret sauce to make errything in your life feel better, we’re talking work, life, relationships, parenting,...
There is something undeniably magnetic about a woman in her pleasure.
Grounded. Connected. Alive. Radiant. She knows what she wants and who the f*ck she is.
I know this way of living. It’s literally my job. But sometimes, even now, it can feel lightyears away.
Yesterday I had one of those mornings. You know those mornings...
You wake up late and look at your calendar and have no idea how you're going to get through everything on the list. Too much to do, too little time. Behind before you even start.
Often the overwhelm comes not from the actual time it takes to do the things on our list, but from the emotional charge of doing said things. And by often, I mean basically always!
Responding to that one email you haven't responded to because you don't want to confront the feelings of potentially having disappointed someone or yourself.
That's why I like to say that procrastination doesn't really exist...it's an avoidance pattern connected to perfectionism that protects us from...
I know it might feel like a weird time to prioritize yourself and sign up for a coaching call.
It totally is. And here’s what I want to remind you of today:
Remember that any response you're having right now is valid.
Remember that it's not selfish to take care of yourself.
Remember that punishing yourself doesn't help anyone.
Remember to be grateful for peace, especially in the face of war.
Remember that it's healthy to turn off the news and go outside.
Remember to take in any goodness you can today.
Remember to help in any way you can.
Remember to tend to your heart.
I’m still offering free coaching calls until next week and there’s no better time to give yourself this gift.
My clients pay thousands of dollars to get access to me but I'm offering up these coaching spots for free because I want you to be able to feel this for yourself.
I'm willing to stand on this proverbial street corner and look stupid to get you to sign up so I can show you just how powerful this work...