So a lot of people have been reaching out recently to ask me some version of the same question – how did you leave your stable job to follow your dreams?
Because this question is essentially my life story it feels like an impossibly huge question to answer, but I will try ;)
In 2012 I was working for YouTube at Google and felt meh about my life so I started taking every single personal development class Google offered – Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Emotional Intelligence, Negotiation, Yoga – you name it, I took it.
But perhaps what started it all was a course I took called Search Inside Yourself, which at the time I took it was a seven week intensive growth course with meditation, mindfulness, intimacy and visioning components.
I can remember the place I was sitting in the classroom, not unlike a medium-sized university lecture hall, on Google's Mountain View campus, when I was led in my first guided visualization practice and I saw my life vision –...
Do you ever hide because you’re afraid of failing?
Hide from your truth
Hide from your dreams
Hide from your potential
Hide from what’s meant for you
Even if you’re not consciously aware of doing this, maybe some part of you feels heard as you read these words
Yeah, me too
I’ve been hiding something from you and when I confessed to my coach this morning I realized I was hiding because I was afraid of failing...sound familiar?
There are so many sneaky ways our brain and body try to keep us safe from the potential pain of failure, and in so doing hold us back from what’s most meant for us
Now that I’ve realized I can survive the worst case failure scenario, I feel unblocked. Things feel clearer and I feel energized and ready to share this with you!
Once I confronted the fear I realized nothing was wrong, I was on the right track and everything’s okay.
Sometimes all we need is a safe enough space to check in with ourselves about what’s...
There are a lot of coaches out there and it can be hard to tell which one is right for you.
Here’s what sets me apart:
I know what it's like to be where you are.
I worked for Google for seven years and for five of those I knew my career path was not in the corporate tech world.
I know what it's like to finally achieve real financial security and simultaneously know it's not the right fit.
I'm a high-achieving people-pleasing perfectionist in recovery. Since I was a kid I've been praised for being meticulous, diligent, and a good lil rule follower. (insert curtsy emoji)
Fun fact: I regularly signed myself into detention in high school so I could focus and get more work done
For much of my life I did waaaay too much without even realizing it. I worked full-time while getting my master's and was confused why I was burned out, exhausted and ill...
I'm really sensitive. It's hard for me to focus on myself when I'm around other people – hence the voluntary detention ;)
Has this question been tumbling around in your head recently? If so, this one's for you.
Though no one can answer this question for you, I hope the following words will provide some opportunities for reflection and food for thought in your process.
Feel the feels first
Remember that this is a process. If you're in an emotionally activated state around your job, my guidance would be to not make a decision right now.
Call in support, feel the feels and process as much of the unfelt stuff as you can – perhaps feeling unseen and undervalued, perhaps anger or grief about the state of being a working woman at this time and all the responsibility you're holding.
Once you can move some of that emotion, you may find that clarity comes. Or it might not be clear yet, it's okay.
The dream job won't fix everything
I have supported clients who've shared that once they got the "dream job" they still didn't feel good. They then realized they needed to shift their own relationship to work in...
I know things have been hard recently.
Social calendars are filling up. Work’s not getting any easier and you’re pretty worn down.
When everything feels like it’s piling up and the weight is getting heavier and heavier with no sign of release, sometimes the best thing to do is just to be with it.
Just hear me out.
I know you’re already googling getaways to Hawaii and trying to figure out when you can burn it all to the ground, move across the world and take a well-deserved break for once.
Or maybe you’re the type to just tune it all out and dive headfirst into the next binge in an attempt to get some GD peace, quiet and space away from all of your responsibilities.
But what if the thing that could make it all better was actually turning towards it all?
That’s what I’m here to offer.
The practice of being present right here and right now so you taste real freedom and real choice, the kind that comes from deep acceptance and inner clarity.
Last week I wrote a blog post about how my body shape isn’t an issue for me right now, even though I’m heavier than I’ve ever been.
And since writing that piece I'm noticing these changes happening organically in my life.
I've been paying even more careful attention to moving my body, stretching, and taking care of myself in ways that feel good.
I’ve been meditating, journaling, getting into nature and eating and cooking delicious food for myself. Pretty cool, huh?
Sometimes all it takes is saying the thing out loud we've been hiding from and really truly accepting ourselves just as we are, in order to be able to change.
This is a famous psychological paradox – that we can only change that which we first accept.
And let me tell you it feels SO MUCH BETTER to approach change in this way.
Have you experienced something similar?
Or perhaps you're stuck fighting where you're at rather than accepting what’s real right now.
If you're curious about how much...
I talk to women a lot about their bodies – about gaining weight, about not feeling sexy, about feeling out of shape or disconnected.
And I get it, I really do
Here's what's true in my life right now – my body shape is simply not an issue
It's not a focus area except to love and accept and delight in the fullness of exactly who I am right now.
I have other priorities – I'm focused on my business, my relationship, my home, my life.
And you know what helped me get to this place?
Finding ways to connect to my sexiness and aliveness right here, right now
Finding ways to feel strong, powerful and perfect right here, right now
For me that looks like dancing and embodiment practices, new clothes that are comfortable and flattering, showering (lol) and taking care of my hair, skin and body.
And I personally know that being athletic is important to me and I know it will be a focus, but like it's just not right now and when I accept that it everything feels so much lighter!
A couple weeks into one of my programs one brave woman will ask – why can’t I let myself feel good?
Like I know what I’m supposed to do to feel good and yet there’s this resistance I feel to actually letting myself relax, tune into pleasure, and get present with myself.
I love it when I get this question.
The core reason why we find it difficult to actually tune into pleasure in our lives is that we have all been conditioned to be productive.
It’s in the roots of our education system.
I was reading The Enchanted Life by Sharon Blackie in a book club with my friends. There was a chapter on enchantment, how we can find ways to connect to that sense of wonder and awe and engagement with the world that young kids have naturally.
There was a passage about our education system that just hit me in the chest.
It quoted a Stanford Department of Education professor (from my own alma mater!) talking about how our education system, at its core, is designed to turn...
Did you hear?
I made an uncomfortable decision to buy myself a new wallet and purse I had been salivating over.
It wasn't a logical decision. It was a desire-based decision.
My brain wanted to do the math and check my bank account and make sure this was "okay" to do.
My brain needed permission. My body knew exactly what she wanted.
But needless to say...we got the things!
But that's not even the good part...the good part is that as soon as I said yes to my desires, something happened.
Someone I hugely admire asked to join Pleasure as Medicine! AND two more people I've never met before emailed me inquiring about the program and my work and how I could support them.
This is real life!
So I'll say it again:
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES ISN'T SELFISH
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES HELPS US GROW AND EXPAND
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES MAKES ROOM FOR OTHERS TO DO THE SAME
I have to constantly remind myself that life isn't a zero sum game, it just isn't.
The fact that I bought myself a fancy new...
Do you realize you’ve been sold a lie?
That the way to get what you want in life – you know, to be happy, healthy and fulfilled – is to put your head down, work hard, sacrifice yourself, take care of others, and limit your dreams until some undetermined day when you will magically be happy?
This is a big fat LIE that our entire system of education, industry, advertising and culture supports.
I want you to try something on with me. I want you to try on another possibility...
What if saying yes to your desires instead of the “supposed tos” was the thing that got you what you want?
What if every step that took you closer to living exactly as you want to live was the answer?
What if owning what was right for you, was actually what was best for everyone?
Even if it doesn't feel true right now, please know that you are a 100% unique creature.
There never has, nor never will be someone just like you.
In order for you to have what you want in life – to be...