Last week I wrote a blog post about how my body shape isn’t an issue for me right now, even though I’m heavier than I’ve ever been.
And since writing that piece I'm noticing these changes happening organically in my life.
I've been paying even more careful attention to moving my body, stretching, and taking care of myself in ways that feel good.
I’ve been meditating, journaling, getting into nature and eating and cooking delicious food for myself. Pretty cool, huh?
Sometimes all it takes is saying the thing out loud we've been hiding from and really truly accepting ourselves just as we are, in order to be able to change.
This is a famous psychological paradox – that we can only change that which we first accept.
And let me tell you it feels SO MUCH BETTER to approach change in this way.
Have you experienced something similar?
Or perhaps you're stuck fighting where you're at rather than accepting what’s real right now.
If you're curious about how much...
I talk to women a lot about their bodies – about gaining weight, about not feeling sexy, about feeling out of shape or disconnected.
And I get it, I really do
Here's what's true in my life right now – my body shape is simply not an issue
It's not a focus area except to love and accept and delight in the fullness of exactly who I am right now.
I have other priorities – I'm focused on my business, my relationship, my home, my life.
And you know what helped me get to this place?
Finding ways to connect to my sexiness and aliveness right here, right now
Finding ways to feel strong, powerful and perfect right here, right now
For me that looks like dancing and embodiment practices, new clothes that are comfortable and flattering, showering (lol) and taking care of my hair, skin and body.
And I personally know that being athletic is important to me and I know it will be a focus, but like it's just not right now and when I accept that it everything feels so much lighter!
Do you realize you’ve been sold a lie?
That the way to get what you want in life – you know, to be happy, healthy and fulfilled – is to put your head down, work hard, sacrifice yourself, take care of others, and limit your dreams until some undetermined day when you will magically be happy?
This is a big fat LIE that our entire system of education, industry, advertising and culture supports.
I want you to try something on with me. I want you to try on another possibility...
What if saying yes to your desires instead of the “supposed tos” was the thing that got you what you want?
What if every step that took you closer to living exactly as you want to live was the answer?
What if owning what was right for you, was actually what was best for everyone?
Even if it doesn't feel true right now, please know that you are a 100% unique creature.
There never has, nor never will be someone just like you.
In order for you to have what you want in life – to be...
If you haven't signed up for Pleasure as Medicine yet I realize it may be because some part of you thinks this isn't possible for you...
It isn't possible to make the time
It isn't possible to allocate the money
It isn't possible to change your life
It isn't possible to for you to feel better
Do you realize what all those lies do to your confidence??
They slowly but surely wear you down as sure as a stream of water wears down a rock
And YES, they are LIES
I believe in each and every woman there is a self-assured, confident, and unique powerhouse just waiting for her time to shine
Waiting for the years of I'm not good enough, I can't want that, I can’t afford it, This is all I can expect from life, I don't deserve that...to slough away and reveal the sheer brilliance underneath
So if you’re having these thoughts that you can't possibly do this, can't possibly make it work, you are the one person in the world this can't work for because your job, your boss, your kids,...
Did you know a lot of what underlies our modern existential angst and feelings of loneliness is a feeling of not being whole?
There are a lot of reasons why we might feel like we’re not whole, or that we’re lacking or deficient.
Part of this is because we’ve rejected a huge part of ourselves – our animal, primal nature that is.
We go about our lives driving in our cars, working in stucco boxes, and living orderly, tidy lives.
We’re trying to pretend that we’re in control and have everything figured out. But really, on the inside, we don’t feel like we have anything under control.
All of us have ancestors from traditional cultures that lived more in tune with the land, the animals, and the natural world.
These ancestors, and people still living today in indigenous societies, all have a way of really honoring that part of ourselves.
Recognizing the primal aspect of the psyche as a necessary part of our humanity.
There is so much value in...
We all have shit we’ve been putting off, waiting for this damn pandemic to end before we _________.
I know I do.
But I also trust that as soon as we deal with it, it will (1) be less scary than we thought, (2) feel so much better and (3) free up way more of our mental energy than we realized it was occupying.
Trust me, the things you think you’re avoiding are taking a way bigger toll on you and everyone around you than you realize.
It's normal to get stuck sometimes, to struggle to take care of yourself even if you know what you *should* be doing…
AND I believe you'll start feeling better when
you take the time to get really honest with where you're at and what you actually want
you don't make yourself wrong for being exactly where you are
you get clear on what you most want and make simple accessible shifts in your life
Going to the doctor or even a wellness coach can SUCK if they tell you what to do or what you *should* be doing instead of getting to deeply...
It dawned on me recently that I call myself a Women's Empowerment Coach but until a couple years ago I didn’t even really know what empowerment meant.
I think it’s high time we build a shared definition of empowerment. Cool? Cool.
Empowerment looks like confidence, feels like security, and acts like having agency to influence the course of your life.
To me, empowerment simply means having the power to live the way you want to live
Power comes in many forms and flavors.
Some of us start off with more power or perceived power based on our identities, families, lived experiences, trauma, etc.
That is 100% true AND no matter where we start, we can always choose to increase our power.
And a choice it is.
I actually like to think about empowerment as discovering power that was always there in the first place, we just couldn’t see it or access it for some reason.
I believe we are born powerful creators with the ability to craft the lives we most desire for ourselves.
Did you learn that the way to get what you want is to buckle down, work harder and be better than everyone else?
But here’s the thing – willpower only gets you so far.
It’s the equivalent of running a sprint and thinking you can keep sprinting forever...it just doesn’t work.
So what’s the answer then?
Self-trust, my loves, self-trust. Oodles and oodles of the stuff.
Self-trust can sound like self-love sometimes, i.e. sounds great but how the f do I get it!?
You don’t just magically wake up one morning and have self-trust, you build it, slowly, over time.
You build self-trust by searching for and appreciating evidence:
evidence that you can trust yourself
evidence that you know how to take care of yourself
evidence that you can handle whatever life throws your way
The evidence might be really slim to start with, that’s normal. It’s a start.
(And hey, I know there’s prolly a whole lot of evidence you can find that...
Do you know people or are you the person who has it all and feels like you have nothing?
Maybe you have the cushy job, a cozy home, you might even have decent savings, but at the end of the day it doesn't count because…
Maybe the job isn’t completely aligned with your values
Maybe you’re leaving your partner
Maybe it’s not the life you would have imagined for yourself
Maybe there’s still the stress of rent/mortgage
Maybe there’s the college funds for your kids or future kids that don’t even exist yet to worry about…
You see how this goes? You can have it all and feel like you have nothing
Our brains are experts at pointing out issues and solving problems that don’t even exist yet.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t plan for the future. I’m saying the future you want will happen much faster if you focus on actually enjoying your life and letting it all be enough right now.
Read that again.
And maybe your life...
Most weeks I feel like I have so much I want to tell you, but today I want to ask you something.
Wise traditions and cultures consider questions the best teachers. A single question can be guiding and working on us for years.
Here’s the question I’d like to offer you today:
What would it be like to have your body be your home?
I invite you to take the question in and see what it has to show you.
Feel free to journal on it, take it for a walk or take it into a meditation and repeat it over and over and see what comes to you.
That’s it for this week. As always, I would love to hear what comes to you as you reflect on this.
Shout out to the babes in my year-long mastermind program Radiance Collective who inspired this ;)
If you’re desiring some of this personal support magic, I have 2 x 1:1 coaching slots available. Now’s the time to book a call if you’re been thinking about it! Or just send me a message if you want to connect.