Do you find yourself stuck in the trap of trying to figure out how to get the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect love and the perfect life? Trusting that once you do, then you'll be happy. Yeah, me too.
Many of us high-achievers spend ungodly amounts of time planning, scheduling, and trying to control our lives, bodies, careers, and love lives.
The truth is there is no future reality where you are perfect, have everything figured out and get all the things you want. Sorry, babe.
Consider this your official permission slip to stop obsessing over your schedule, perfecting your diet and trying to control your life to get to this mythical future reality – because – It. Does. Not. Exist.
Instead, focus on what is possible today.
Repeat after me
Perfect does not exist
There is only now
I get to choose how I feel
I get to choose how I act
Here's a simple process to start living in the present and release your inner perfectionist:
1 What is my vision for my life?...
When you see a woman growing, glowing and sharing her full self with the world have you had the thought – how dare she!?
I have that thought All.The.Freaking.Time.
When I see a peer post a risque photo
When I hear how much she's making
When I see friends grow and succeed
Here's what that voice says
How dare she show off her body
How dare she express that part of her
How dare she get so loud and powerful
If I'm reeeally honest, this is actually more like what it says:
That's so inappropriate. She needs to lose weight. She looks like a slut. Omg no one is going to take her seriously. She's not even that smart. Who does she think she is!?
Who does she think she is!? is a good one too.
These pesky, pernicious, patriarchal remnants
Ways we've internalized patriarchy and suffer the consequences internally
It's a way we self-police ourselves and others to keep everyone in check
If we don't feel free, she sure as hell shouldn't!
What if we noticed that...
Have you thought about what gives your life meaning recently?
Most people believe that your job has to be the thing that gives you meaning and purpose.
I believe meaning and purpose is accessible to everyone, anywhere at any time, regardless of what they do.
This should be obvious.
We're human beings.
We have a fundamental right to feel a sense of meaning and experience a sense of purpose in our lives, no matter what we do, no matter the phases and changes we go through in life.
But it's one of those insidious beliefs that so many of us have taken on, especially in the United States, that we have to find this through work.
We're programmed from a young age to search for this, a la...
What am I going to be when I grow up??
What's gonna be THE thing that gives me meaning, that gives me purpose, that gives me a sense of self, a sense of identity.
That's how our whole system is set up.
It sucks that so many of us are taught that this is the path to a fulfilling life.
At the end of the...
Do you love your body?
If you’re like most of us, the answer is probably uhhh, no...does anyone actually love their body?
I don’t know, but I think it’s worth trying, even if it feels overwhelming and very far away.
It takes so much energy to criticize yourself. Do you even realize how much energy you waste fighting with yourself everyday?
This month in Radiance Collective we are engaging in deep conversation and embodied practice around loving, celebrating and reclaiming our bodies.
Why? So we have more energy to live our lives! Love our people! And care about way more important things!
Here are some questions we pondered last night:
I invite you to take a few breaths with each of these questions or a few minutes journaling on them.
I want to acknowledge that there are a million reasons why you don't love your body. You’ve been told and...
I have a question for you today. Here it is:
Do you know who you are without work?
Before you keep reading, notice what happens for you when I ask that. Check in with your body. What do you feel? Is there disbelief, anger, confusion, tension or constriction? If so, it’s all welcome.
Many of us have carefully honed strategies we’ve been practicing since we were kids to feel safe, secure and loved in this wild world. Some of these – like working (a lot) – are so normalized in our culture that we don’t even realize that something feels off.
The strategies I see most often in my clients are the achiever, giver, people pleaser and perfectionist.
For me, working is a big one. The time I took off in 2018 was the scariest and most liberating thing I’ve ever done. It was the first time in my entire life I had given myself space from working, being in school or doing some other extracurricular activity. And it rocked my sense of self and identity.
Last week I was hosting a three-day live workshop called Alive Again and we had dozens of amazing women signed up! The first two days were amazing, but you’ll never guess what happened.
The worst case scenario...and I had to reach for all the pleasure and self-care tools that I teach my clients to take care of myself, work through my emotions, and make a decision to pivot the event!
If you identify with being a perfectionist and being very aware of how you are perceived by others, watch the video to hear how I worked my way through this one.
This is what taking radical responsibility looks like – even when you didn’t do something wrong!!
Curious? Catch the live video replay here
When do you find yourself performing and not showing up authentically? Where do you get stuck in perfectionism and the injustice of things going wrong even when you did everything “right”?
P.S. Want to learn the self-care and pleasure tools that help me move through...
Is your brain on your team or fighting you every step of the way?
If most of us answer honestly, our brain is definitely not on our side. It’s constantly telling us why we’re not good enough or can’t possibly have the things we desire. Why is that?
Well you see there’s this concept called resistance. You can think of it like a principle of nature – whether it’s resistance in an electrical circuit or friction generated by pushing something heavy –
Resistance is a universal reaction to change
In human beings, resistance can look like avoiding doing the things you know make you feel good, like meditating or exercising, in favor of what is comfortable and known, like perhaps Netflix ;)
Our minds are literally designed to resist change because what is known is always safer than what is new. To our brains, the unknown is always where potential danger lies..
To get your brain on board with your dreams and desires, you have to give your brain a...
I’ve been wanting to share this huge shift in my life but wasn’t sure how so I shared it in our weekly call for The Radiance Collective last week and it sparked so many perspective shifts and amazing conversations that I wanted to share it with you too, so here it goes:
I’m at my heaviest and have never felt more sexy than I do right now
Body image is a huge topic with my clients and we all carry so much shame and conditioning around what we look like and that little number on the scale (which is funny because I don’t have a scale and I’m just guessing that I’m at my heaviest )
Most people think that weight is a key indicator of health and happiness and they couldn’t be more wrong. There’s an entire body of research called Health at Every Size and if you’re baffled by this concept, I encourage you to go look it up, read a book, whatever you do.
I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and have never felt more sexy. I...
I’m riding high from what’s possible when women gather together with presence and intention to support, witness and lift one another up since we just wrapped up the very first virtual retreat to kick-off The Radiance Collective!
It’s legit life-changing to have spaces like this dedicated to our empowerment and growth and I wanted to let you all know exactly how you can get in one of these containers with me this year.
Pleasure as Medicine
Pleasure as Medicine: From Burnout to Inner Vibrancy in 6 Weeks is my signature group program that introduces you to my foundational philosophy of banishing burnout with pleasure and connects you with a like-minded community of driven women.
Together we’ll energize body, mind & spirit, harness the power of pleasure and release stress, trauma and emotion from our bodies so you can feel vibrant and alive.
The program includes live weekly 90 minute community coaching calls, as well as weekly video modules and guided audio...
Yesterday morning, I stumbled into the kitchen bleary eyed after an extra long sleep – it feels like life these days has been demanding more from me – more sleep, more space, more stretching, more care. Lucien was drinking his coffee and had the inauguration proceedings streaming from his desk in the sun drenched breakfast nook.
I wasn’t really planning to watch, but there they were. I made my morning cacao (yes I drink and eat my chocolate these days ;) and watched as Biden spoke, Garth Brooks took the stage and finally – as this gleaming beacon of light – Amanda Gorman stepped up to the podium.
I was immediately captivated by her presence and her words. Soon after she started speaking I burst out sobbing, releasing god knows what I had been holding on to. I think many of us have been holding our breath for four years and are only now allowing a bit of an exhale.
I stopped watching after she spoke and joined my Wednesday morning womens speaking circle...