It dawned on me recently that I call myself a Women's Empowerment Coach but until a couple years ago I didn’t even really know what empowerment meant.
I think it’s high time we build a shared definition of empowerment. Cool? Cool.
Empowerment looks like confidence, feels like security, and acts like having agency to influence the course of your life.
To me, empowerment simply means having the power to live the way you want to live
Power comes in many forms and flavors.
Some of us start off with more power or perceived power based on our identities, families, lived experiences, trauma, etc.
That is 100% true AND no matter where we start, we can always choose to increase our power.
And a choice it is.
I actually like to think about empowerment as discovering power that was always there in the first place, we just couldn’t see it or access it for some reason.
I believe we are born powerful creators with the ability to craft the lives we most desire for ourselves.
Did you learn that the way to get what you want is to buckle down, work harder and be better than everyone else?
But here’s the thing – willpower only gets you so far.
It’s the equivalent of running a sprint and thinking you can keep sprinting forever...it just doesn’t work.
So what’s the answer then?
Self-trust, my loves, self-trust. Oodles and oodles of the stuff.
Self-trust can sound like self-love sometimes, i.e. sounds great but how the f do I get it!?
You don’t just magically wake up one morning and have self-trust, you build it, slowly, over time.
You build self-trust by searching for and appreciating evidence:
evidence that you can trust yourself
evidence that you know how to take care of yourself
evidence that you can handle whatever life throws your way
The evidence might be really slim to start with, that’s normal. It’s a start.
(And hey, I know there’s prolly a whole lot of evidence you can find that...
Do you know people or are you the person who has it all and feels like you have nothing?
Maybe you have the cushy job, a cozy home, you might even have decent savings, but at the end of the day it doesn't count because…
Maybe the job isn’t completely aligned with your values
Maybe you’re leaving your partner
Maybe it’s not the life you would have imagined for yourself
Maybe there’s still the stress of rent/mortgage
Maybe there’s the college funds for your kids or future kids that don’t even exist yet to worry about…
You see how this goes? You can have it all and feel like you have nothing
Our brains are experts at pointing out issues and solving problems that don’t even exist yet.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t plan for the future. I’m saying the future you want will happen much faster if you focus on actually enjoying your life and letting it all be enough right now.
Read that again.
And maybe your life...
Most weeks I feel like I have so much I want to tell you, but today I want to ask you something.
Wise traditions and cultures consider questions the best teachers. A single question can be guiding and working on us for years.
Here’s the question I’d like to offer you today:
What would it be like to have your body be your home?
I invite you to take the question in and see what it has to show you.
Feel free to journal on it, take it for a walk or take it into a meditation and repeat it over and over and see what comes to you.
That’s it for this week. As always, I would love to hear what comes to you as you reflect on this.
Shout out to the babes in my year-long mastermind program Radiance Collective who inspired this ;)
If you’re desiring some of this personal support magic, I have 2 x 1:1 coaching slots available. Now’s the time to book a call if you’re been thinking about it! Or just send me a message if you want to connect.
Do you ever have the days where you’re busy but nothing actually gets done?
You keep getting pulled in different directions and all of a sudden it’s 4PM and you’re wondering where the day went!?
Yeah, me too.
Yesterday it took me three hours (three freaking hours!!) to finish a 10 minute task!
The answer, my friends, is presence.
Presence is that state of mindful awareness where you're not worrying about the past or future, you're just being or doing in the present.
Presence can be a slippery lil fish, trust me, I know.
Sometimes the laaaast thing I want to be is present, cause then I would have to face all the things and feelings I've been avoiding.
What helps in these situations is tuning into your senses. Try looking at a pretty plant, taking a deep breath or listening to a beautiful song. Fully putting your awareness on one sense at a time.
The more we can do this, the more time expands. Our lives literally feel more spacious and free.
Maybe you can relate to this?
I have a HUGE heart.
Like so freaking big it terrifies me.
When I let myself, I can feel so much so deeply.
So I keep it bottled up. I stay busy, stay focused, stay distracted, anything to stay on the surface.
I'm sitting here right now weepy with a wool blanket and some tepid tea on my lap.
My coach just supported me in letting myself feel into layer by layer the weight my heart has been holding these past couple months.
Layers of sadness, grief, despair.
Layers of longing, desire and purpose.
Layers of goodness, power and energy.
When I let myself feel through these layers, I get to this place where I feel my heart like this ball of energy in my chest that is at once a distinct sensation in my body and at the same time radiating infinitely in all directions.
The best way I can describe it is like a whole universe of energy and space and power inside of me.
I think many of us over-achievers and workaholics are this way too.
We feel things so deeply...
As women we are taught to dim our light, to censor our expression, to play small.
We’re taught to hide our brilliance, lest we outshine our partner, our parents, or our friends.
There are a million ways we hold ourselves back from being our truest, biggest, most fully expressed selves.
And psychologically it makes sense.
Many of us hold deep deep fears in our bones, from our own traumas, from our mothers’ traumas and from the culture we live in that tells us in so many ways that a woman who shines, a woman who embodies her power and her confidence is not safe.
The women who stand out, who speak up, who don’t play small are most vulnerable and likely to be knocked down.
But you are strong. You are brave. You have everything that you need inside to shake off this patriarchal residue and let your shine light up the freaking world.
It’s time, babe.
It’s time to stop hiding and playing small.
It’s time to step into your power.
It’s time to share...
Do you find yourself stuck in the trap of trying to figure out how to get the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect love and the perfect life? Trusting that once you do, then you'll be happy. Yeah, me too.
Many of us high-achievers spend ungodly amounts of time planning, scheduling, and trying to control our lives, bodies, careers, and love lives.
The truth is there is no future reality where you are perfect, have everything figured out and get all the things you want. Sorry, babe.
Consider this your official permission slip to stop obsessing over your schedule, perfecting your diet and trying to control your life to get to this mythical future reality – because – It. Does. Not. Exist.
Instead, focus on what is possible today.
Repeat after me
Perfect does not exist
There is only now
I get to choose how I feel
I get to choose how I act
Here's a simple process to start living in the present and release your inner perfectionist:
1 What is my vision for my life?...
When you see a woman growing, glowing and sharing her full self with the world have you had the thought – how dare she!?
I have that thought All.The.Freaking.Time.
When I see a peer post a risque photo
When I hear how much she's making
When I see friends grow and succeed
Here's what that voice says
How dare she show off her body
How dare she express that part of her
How dare she get so loud and powerful
If I'm reeeally honest, this is actually more like what it says:
That's so inappropriate. She needs to lose weight. She looks like a slut. Omg no one is going to take her seriously. She's not even that smart. Who does she think she is!?
Who does she think she is!? is a good one too.
These pesky, pernicious, patriarchal remnants
Ways we've internalized patriarchy and suffer the consequences internally
It's a way we self-police ourselves and others to keep everyone in check
If we don't feel free, she sure as hell shouldn't!
What if we noticed that...
Have you thought about what gives your life meaning recently?
Most people believe that your job has to be the thing that gives you meaning and purpose.
I believe meaning and purpose is accessible to everyone, anywhere at any time, regardless of what they do.
This should be obvious.
We're human beings.
We have a fundamental right to feel a sense of meaning and experience a sense of purpose in our lives, no matter what we do, no matter the phases and changes we go through in life.
But it's one of those insidious beliefs that so many of us have taken on, especially in the United States, that we have to find this through work.
We're programmed from a young age to search for this, a la...
What am I going to be when I grow up??
What's gonna be THE thing that gives me meaning, that gives me purpose, that gives me a sense of self, a sense of identity.
That's how our whole system is set up.
It sucks that so many of us are taught that this is the path to a fulfilling life.
At the end of the...