Did you hear?
I made an uncomfortable decision to buy myself a new wallet and purse I had been salivating over.
It wasn't a logical decision. It was a desire-based decision.
My brain wanted to do the math and check my bank account and make sure this was "okay" to do.
My brain needed permission. My body knew exactly what she wanted.
But needless to say...we got the things!
But that's not even the good part...the good part is that as soon as I said yes to my desires, something happened.
Someone I hugely admire asked to join Pleasure as Medicine! AND two more people I've never met before emailed me inquiring about the program and my work and how I could support them.
This is real life!
So I'll say it again:
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES ISN'T SELFISH
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES HELPS US GROW AND EXPAND
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES MAKES ROOM FOR OTHERS TO DO THE SAME
I have to constantly remind myself that life isn't a zero sum game, it just isn't.
The fact that I bought myself a fancy new...
Do you realize you’ve been sold a lie?
That the way to get what you want in life – you know, to be happy, healthy and fulfilled – is to put your head down, work hard, sacrifice yourself, take care of others, and limit your dreams until some undetermined day when you will magically be happy?
This is a big fat LIE that our entire system of education, industry, advertising and culture supports.
I want you to try something on with me. I want you to try on another possibility...
What if saying yes to your desires instead of the “supposed tos” was the thing that got you what you want?
What if every step that took you closer to living exactly as you want to live was the answer?
What if owning what was right for you, was actually what was best for everyone?
Even if it doesn't feel true right now, please know that you are a 100% unique creature.
There never has, nor never will be someone just like you.
In order for you to have what you want in life – to be...
If you haven't signed up for Pleasure as Medicine yet I realize it may be because some part of you thinks this isn't possible for you...
It isn't possible to make the time
It isn't possible to allocate the money
It isn't possible to change your life
It isn't possible to for you to feel better
Do you realize what all those lies do to your confidence??
They slowly but surely wear you down as sure as a stream of water wears down a rock
And YES, they are LIES
I believe in each and every woman there is a self-assured, confident, and unique powerhouse just waiting for her time to shine
Waiting for the years of I'm not good enough, I can't want that, I can’t afford it, This is all I can expect from life, I don't deserve that...to slough away and reveal the sheer brilliance underneath
So if you’re having these thoughts that you can't possibly do this, can't possibly make it work, you are the one person in the world this can't work for because your job, your boss, your kids,...
Did you know a lot of what underlies our modern existential angst and feelings of loneliness is a feeling of not being whole?
There are a lot of reasons why we might feel like we’re not whole, or that we’re lacking or deficient.
Part of this is because we’ve rejected a huge part of ourselves – our animal, primal nature that is.
We go about our lives driving in our cars, working in stucco boxes, and living orderly, tidy lives.
We’re trying to pretend that we’re in control and have everything figured out. But really, on the inside, we don’t feel like we have anything under control.
All of us have ancestors from traditional cultures that lived more in tune with the land, the animals, and the natural world.
These ancestors, and people still living today in indigenous societies, all have a way of really honoring that part of ourselves.
Recognizing the primal aspect of the psyche as a necessary part of our humanity.
There is so much value in...
When I feel overwhelmed and have too much on my plate, I know my first instinct is to be hard on myself.
Maybe you can relate?
For so many of us independent women, our first instinct is to buckle down when things are hard.
For most of our lives we've learned that to succeed, we have to push and force our way through.
We have to be hard on ourselves in order to get where we want to go.
But what if there were another option?
What if by truly, deeply accepting yourself you'd be more free to not only enjoy your life, but also enjoy all the success you can imagine?
Accepting ourselves just as we are encodes the message that we deserve all the good things in our lives. It rewires whatever conditioning we’ve received from our life experience, family and society tells us we don’t deserve to feel good and be happy.
The more we build this loving connection, the more resilient, resourced and connected we will feel when navigating challenges in our lives. Because trust me, they will...
We all have shit we’ve been putting off, waiting for this damn pandemic to end before we _________.
I know I do.
But I also trust that as soon as we deal with it, it will (1) be less scary than we thought, (2) feel so much better and (3) free up way more of our mental energy than we realized it was occupying.
Trust me, the things you think you’re avoiding are taking a way bigger toll on you and everyone around you than you realize.
It's normal to get stuck sometimes, to struggle to take care of yourself even if you know what you *should* be doing…
AND I believe you'll start feeling better when
you take the time to get really honest with where you're at and what you actually want
you don't make yourself wrong for being exactly where you are
you get clear on what you most want and make simple accessible shifts in your life
Going to the doctor or even a wellness coach can SUCK if they tell you what to do or what you *should* be doing instead of getting to deeply...
When did you learn that being productive and feeling good can't coexist?
Yesterday, as I was drinking my iced oat milk latte soaking up the sun on my fave coffee shop patio, I pulled out my journal to do my daily freewriting practice.
This is what I wrote:
“I’m afraid something inside me will internally combust if I try to combine work and pleasure”
After I examined and reframed this fear, I wrote:
“You're not going to internally combust – you're going to heal and it's going to be fucking beautiful.”
Pleasure just means feeling good. Who says we can’t feel good AND be productive!?!
I've been practicing and teaching pleasure-based living for three years now and this programming is still there, lurking.
You might think that because I got out of the tech rat race, I've healed all of my work issues and everything is easy for me now…
The truth is that I do work a lot less and I do experience more freedom, flexibility and fulfillment.
It dawned on me recently that I call myself a Women's Empowerment Coach but until a couple years ago I didn’t even really know what empowerment meant.
I think it’s high time we build a shared definition of empowerment. Cool? Cool.
Empowerment looks like confidence, feels like security, and acts like having agency to influence the course of your life.
To me, empowerment simply means having the power to live the way you want to live
Power comes in many forms and flavors.
Some of us start off with more power or perceived power based on our identities, families, lived experiences, trauma, etc.
That is 100% true AND no matter where we start, we can always choose to increase our power.
And a choice it is.
I actually like to think about empowerment as discovering power that was always there in the first place, we just couldn’t see it or access it for some reason.
I believe we are born powerful creators with the ability to craft the lives we most desire for ourselves.
As modern day babes, we juggle a LOT.
Whether you’re working, studying, moming, hustling, side-gigging, caregiving or all of the above…
You need a way to come back to center and give yourself the care YOU need.
Maybe you get alone time, but it’s spent binge watching, scrolling the gram and mindlessly snacking.
We all numb out sometimes – I know I do.
And guess what? It’s okay.
It doesn’t matter if it’s been a hectic couple of hours or literally months or years since you can remember feeling present, content and connected with yourself.
You can start today, wherever you’re at.
You can choose to feel good.
Because the number one tool of a Pleasure Queen is choosing pleasure as often as you can.
And you’re in luck because today I’m sharing my 20 minute dance break pleasure as medicine turn upppp practice to jam along to in your PJs whenever and wherever you need a lil pleasure infusion!
If you're anything like me, you need a good scientific reason why you should do something.
Lucky for you I have a master’s in Integrative Health and can tell you exactly why you seriously need to start prioritizing pleasure ;) Buckle up buttercup, this is a long one!
1. Pleasure counters the effects of stress
Let’s be real. Life is hard sometimes. From work stress to planning for the future or caring for family – pleasure helps balance out all the toll stress can take on our body.
When you experience pleasure, a cascade of natural chemicals and hormones floods your system that not only feels amazing but literally helps heal chronic stress and fatigue.
The hormones released when we receive a comforting hug or massage (oxytocin) or enjoy sexual pleasure and/or a really good dance party ;) (oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin) are the exact chemical antidote to chronic stress (cortisol).
Oxytocin and dopamine down-regulate cortisol and reduce the toll of chronic stress on...