Did you know a lot of what underlies our modern existential angst and feelings of loneliness is a feeling of not being whole?
There are a lot of reasons why we might feel like we’re not whole, or that we’re lacking or deficient.
Part of this is because we’ve rejected a huge part of ourselves – our animal, primal nature that is.
We go about our lives driving in our cars, working in stucco boxes, and living orderly, tidy lives.
We’re trying to pretend that we’re in control and have everything figured out. But really, on the inside, we don’t feel like we have anything under control.
All of us have ancestors from traditional cultures that lived more in tune with the land, the animals, and the natural world.
These ancestors, and people still living today in indigenous societies, all have a way of really honoring that part of ourselves.
Recognizing the primal aspect of the psyche as a necessary part of our humanity.
There is so much value in...
When I feel overwhelmed and have too much on my plate, I know my first instinct is to be hard on myself.
Maybe you can relate?
For so many of us independent women, our first instinct is to buckle down when things are hard.
For most of our lives we've learned that to succeed, we have to push and force our way through.
We have to be hard on ourselves in order to get where we want to go.
But what if there were another option?
What if by truly, deeply accepting yourself you'd be more free to not only enjoy your life, but also enjoy all the success you can imagine?
Accepting ourselves just as we are encodes the message that we deserve all the good things in our lives. It rewires whatever conditioning we’ve received from our life experience, family and society tells us we don’t deserve to feel good and be happy.
The more we build this loving connection, the more resilient, resourced and connected we will feel when navigating challenges in our lives. Because trust me, they will...
We all have shit we’ve been putting off, waiting for this damn pandemic to end before we _________.
I know I do.
But I also trust that as soon as we deal with it, it will (1) be less scary than we thought, (2) feel so much better and (3) free up way more of our mental energy than we realized it was occupying.
Trust me, the things you think you’re avoiding are taking a way bigger toll on you and everyone around you than you realize.
It's normal to get stuck sometimes, to struggle to take care of yourself even if you know what you *should* be doing…
AND I believe you'll start feeling better when
you take the time to get really honest with where you're at and what you actually want
you don't make yourself wrong for being exactly where you are
you get clear on what you most want and make simple accessible shifts in your life
Going to the doctor or even a wellness coach can SUCK if they tell you what to do or what you *should* be doing instead of getting to deeply...
When did you learn that being productive and feeling good can't coexist?
Yesterday, as I was drinking my iced oat milk latte soaking up the sun on my fave coffee shop patio, I pulled out my journal to do my daily freewriting practice.
This is what I wrote:
“I’m afraid something inside me will internally combust if I try to combine work and pleasure”
After I examined and reframed this fear, I wrote:
“You're not going to internally combust – you're going to heal and it's going to be fucking beautiful.”
Pleasure just means feeling good. Who says we can’t feel good AND be productive!?!
I've been practicing and teaching pleasure-based living for three years now and this programming is still there, lurking.
You might think that because I got out of the tech rat race, I've healed all of my work issues and everything is easy for me now…
The truth is that I do work a lot less and I do experience more freedom, flexibility and fulfillment.
It dawned on me recently that I call myself a Women's Empowerment Coach but until a couple years ago I didn’t even really know what empowerment meant.
I think it’s high time we build a shared definition of empowerment. Cool? Cool.
Empowerment looks like confidence, feels like security, and acts like having agency to influence the course of your life.
To me, empowerment simply means having the power to live the way you want to live
Power comes in many forms and flavors.
Some of us start off with more power or perceived power based on our identities, families, lived experiences, trauma, etc.
That is 100% true AND no matter where we start, we can always choose to increase our power.
And a choice it is.
I actually like to think about empowerment as discovering power that was always there in the first place, we just couldn’t see it or access it for some reason.
I believe we are born powerful creators with the ability to craft the lives we most desire for ourselves.
As modern day babes, we juggle a LOT.
Whether you’re working, studying, moming, hustling, side-gigging, caregiving or all of the above…
You need a way to come back to center and give yourself the care YOU need.
Maybe you get alone time, but it’s spent binge watching, scrolling the gram and mindlessly snacking.
We all numb out sometimes – I know I do.
And guess what? It’s okay.
It doesn’t matter if it’s been a hectic couple of hours or literally months or years since you can remember feeling present, content and connected with yourself.
You can start today, wherever you’re at.
You can choose to feel good.
Because the number one tool of a Pleasure Queen is choosing pleasure as often as you can.
And you’re in luck because today I’m sharing my 20 minute dance break pleasure as medicine turn upppp practice to jam along to in your PJs whenever and wherever you need a lil pleasure infusion!
If you're anything like me, you need a good scientific reason why you should do something.
Lucky for you I have a master’s in Integrative Health and can tell you exactly why you seriously need to start prioritizing pleasure ;) Buckle up buttercup, this is a long one!
1. Pleasure counters the effects of stress
Let’s be real. Life is hard sometimes. From work stress to planning for the future or caring for family – pleasure helps balance out all the toll stress can take on our body.
When you experience pleasure, a cascade of natural chemicals and hormones floods your system that not only feels amazing but literally helps heal chronic stress and fatigue.
The hormones released when we receive a comforting hug or massage (oxytocin) or enjoy sexual pleasure and/or a really good dance party ;) (oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin) are the exact chemical antidote to chronic stress (cortisol).
Oxytocin and dopamine down-regulate cortisol and reduce the toll of chronic stress on...
Did you learn that the way to get what you want is to buckle down, work harder and be better than everyone else?
But here’s the thing – willpower only gets you so far.
It’s the equivalent of running a sprint and thinking you can keep sprinting forever...it just doesn’t work.
So what’s the answer then?
Self-trust, my loves, self-trust. Oodles and oodles of the stuff.
Self-trust can sound like self-love sometimes, i.e. sounds great but how the f do I get it!?
You don’t just magically wake up one morning and have self-trust, you build it, slowly, over time.
You build self-trust by searching for and appreciating evidence:
evidence that you can trust yourself
evidence that you know how to take care of yourself
evidence that you can handle whatever life throws your way
The evidence might be really slim to start with, that’s normal. It’s a start.
(And hey, I know there’s prolly a whole lot of evidence you can find that...
Do you know people or are you the person who has it all and feels like you have nothing?
Maybe you have the cushy job, a cozy home, you might even have decent savings, but at the end of the day it doesn't count because…
Maybe the job isn’t completely aligned with your values
Maybe you’re leaving your partner
Maybe it’s not the life you would have imagined for yourself
Maybe there’s still the stress of rent/mortgage
Maybe there’s the college funds for your kids or future kids that don’t even exist yet to worry about…
You see how this goes? You can have it all and feel like you have nothing
Our brains are experts at pointing out issues and solving problems that don’t even exist yet.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t plan for the future. I’m saying the future you want will happen much faster if you focus on actually enjoying your life and letting it all be enough right now.
Read that again.
And maybe your life...
Most weeks I feel like I have so much I want to tell you, but today I want to ask you something.
Wise traditions and cultures consider questions the best teachers. A single question can be guiding and working on us for years.
Here’s the question I’d like to offer you today:
What would it be like to have your body be your home?
I invite you to take the question in and see what it has to show you.
Feel free to journal on it, take it for a walk or take it into a meditation and repeat it over and over and see what comes to you.
That’s it for this week. As always, I would love to hear what comes to you as you reflect on this.
Shout out to the babes in my year-long mastermind program Radiance Collective who inspired this ;)
If you’re desiring some of this personal support magic, I have 2 x 1:1 coaching slots available. Now’s the time to book a call if you’re been thinking about it! Or just send me a message if you want to connect.