A lot of the conversation around pleasure is around you getting to have what you most want. I’m obviously here for this message!
But when we’ve been so conditioned (and we have been!) to believe there’s a specific range of what’s possible for us, there’s a very high likelihood that we don’t even know what we want.
We go through the world with these kinds of blinders on.
Everything in our area of focus is a logical possibility for our life, based on what we know about ourselves, people like us, our history, and how things have gone for us up until now.
But what about everything outside of view? Just beyond your current expected reality?
What if what you most deeply want for your life is just out of view, just outside the range of what you think is possible and what you can allow yourself to imagine?
I’ve been realizing the extent to which I still deny myself what I most want.
When I refuse to make eye contact with anyone, when what...
Have you ever considered how much you actually like not feeling good?
I know it’s a bizarre question, but trust me it’s one worth investigating.
Humans are neurologically wired to focus on the negative, what's not working, what needs to be fixed (google negativity bias.) In fact, we spend inordinate amounts of time trying to solve problems that don't even exist!
This is partly what it is to be human and have this big ‘ole brain that's designed for SURVIVAL (aka problem solving and scanning for threats) vs THRIVING (aka actually enjoying life).
But this doesn't have to be your reality.
There are very practical strategies you can use to see the good, feel the good and actually let yourself take in the good.
Here's what I mean by taking in the good (or rather what I DON'T mean)...
Do you know someone who is rich but miserable?
Do you know someone who lives in the most beautiful place on earth but doesn't enjoy it?
Do you know someone or are you that someone who has...
Letting yourself be happy is one of the hardest things you’ll do as an adult
Who am I to be happy when the world is falling apart?
Who am I to be happy when there is so much suffering?
Who am I to enjoy what I have when others have so little?
The guilt and shame are toxic
They compound and fester
And they help no one, not you and not anyone
You get to enjoy your life because you do
This is the lesson pleasure is here to teach you
The holy truth is this: when you are filled up your natural generosity can pour forth
Giving to yourself is not selfish, it’s the *only* way you can be generous without over giving and crossing your own boundaries
You get to be resourced, supported and happy AND trust yourself to be kind and generous to others when you feel moved to do so
I dare you to prioritize your joy, pleasure and happiness for one week and see what happens
Are you game?
The Everyday Pleasure Challenge starts next week and it might just be the best thing I’ve ever...
Do you struggle to let yourself feel good and enjoy your life, especially when the world is on fire?
Do you feel guilty for your privilege and wonder who the f am I to get to prioritize my joy and happiness?
Are you often stuck in your head solving problems, even ones that don’t exist yet, instead of enjoying what’s right in front of you?
Are you looking for all the things that are wrong in your life instead of the things that are right?
If you answered yes to any of the above, ooof do I feel you!
What would it be like to practice letting in any amount of joy and pleasure in your life that you can access?
Even with the bed unmade, messy hair, laundry in the floor, dishes in the sink, existential crises and good-hearted intentions abounding
You still get to feel good
That’s the lesson pleasure is here to teach you
If there were a magic pill or secret sauce to make errything in your life feel better, we’re talking work, life, relationships, parenting,...
There is something undeniably magnetic about a woman in her pleasure.
Grounded. Connected. Alive. Radiant. She knows what she wants and who the f*ck she is.
I know this way of living. It’s literally my job. But sometimes, even now, it can feel lightyears away.
Yesterday I had one of those mornings. You know those mornings...
You wake up late and look at your calendar and have no idea how you're going to get through everything on the list. Too much to do, too little time. Behind before you even start.
Often the overwhelm comes not from the actual time it takes to do the things on our list, but from the emotional charge of doing said things. And by often, I mean basically always!
Responding to that one email you haven't responded to because you don't want to confront the feelings of potentially having disappointed someone or yourself.
That's why I like to say that procrastination doesn't really exist...it's an avoidance pattern connected to perfectionism that protects us from...
If it doesn't feel good, what's the point?
What's the point of the job that pays you well if you're too busy to enjoy your life?
What's the point of living in a beautiful place if you're too exhausted to get outside?
What's the point of the relationship, the house, the job, the family of your dreams if you don't know how to take all the goodness and gratitude in and not self-sabotage?
Yes, there are bills to pay and needs to be taken care of
But we’re kidding ourselves and missing out on so much that is possible by thinking the only way to do that is by grinding away at something we don’t even really like.
I genuinely believe the point of life is finding what feels good and following it.
That's how you know you're in alignment.
That's how you know you're on track.
That's how you know you're operating from trust instead of fear.
If things aren't feeling good, where could you move just one degree towards more pleasure?
Orienting towards pleasure doesn't mean your...
Do you ever hide because you’re afraid of failing?
Hide from your truth
Hide from your dreams
Hide from your potential
Hide from what’s meant for you
Even if you’re not consciously aware of doing this, maybe some part of you feels heard as you read these words
Yeah, me too
I’ve been hiding something from you and when I confessed to my coach this morning I realized I was hiding because I was afraid of failing...sound familiar?
There are so many sneaky ways our brain and body try to keep us safe from the potential pain of failure, and in so doing hold us back from what’s most meant for us
Now that I’ve realized I can survive the worst case failure scenario, I feel unblocked. Things feel clearer and I feel energized and ready to share this with you!
Once I confronted the fear I realized nothing was wrong, I was on the right track and everything’s okay.
Sometimes all we need is a safe enough space to check in with ourselves about what’s...
A couple weeks into one of my programs one brave woman will ask – why can’t I let myself feel good?
Like I know what I’m supposed to do to feel good and yet there’s this resistance I feel to actually letting myself relax, tune into pleasure, and get present with myself.
I love it when I get this question.
The core reason why we find it difficult to actually tune into pleasure in our lives is that we have all been conditioned to be productive.
It’s in the roots of our education system.
I was reading The Enchanted Life by Sharon Blackie in a book club with my friends. There was a chapter on enchantment, how we can find ways to connect to that sense of wonder and awe and engagement with the world that young kids have naturally.
There was a passage about our education system that just hit me in the chest.
It quoted a Stanford Department of Education professor (from my own alma mater!) talking about how our education system, at its core, is designed to turn...
Did you hear?
I made an uncomfortable decision to buy myself a new wallet and purse I had been salivating over.
It wasn't a logical decision. It was a desire-based decision.
My brain wanted to do the math and check my bank account and make sure this was "okay" to do.
My brain needed permission. My body knew exactly what she wanted.
But needless to say...we got the things!
But that's not even the good part...the good part is that as soon as I said yes to my desires, something happened.
Someone I hugely admire asked to join Pleasure as Medicine! AND two more people I've never met before emailed me inquiring about the program and my work and how I could support them.
This is real life!
So I'll say it again:
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES ISN'T SELFISH
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES HELPS US GROW AND EXPAND
SAYING YES TO OUR DESIRES MAKES ROOM FOR OTHERS TO DO THE SAME
I have to constantly remind myself that life isn't a zero sum game, it just isn't.
The fact that I bought myself a fancy new...
When I feel overwhelmed and have too much on my plate, I know my first instinct is to be hard on myself.
Maybe you can relate?
For so many of us independent women, our first instinct is to buckle down when things are hard.
For most of our lives we've learned that to succeed, we have to push and force our way through.
We have to be hard on ourselves in order to get where we want to go.
But what if there were another option?
What if by truly, deeply accepting yourself you'd be more free to not only enjoy your life, but also enjoy all the success you can imagine?
Accepting ourselves just as we are encodes the message that we deserve all the good things in our lives. It rewires whatever conditioning we’ve received from our life experience, family and society tells us we don’t deserve to feel good and be happy.
The more we build this loving connection, the more resilient, resourced and connected we will feel when navigating challenges in our lives. Because trust me, they will...