I know things have been hard recently.
Social calendars are filling up. Work’s not getting any easier and you’re pretty worn down.
When everything feels like it’s piling up and the weight is getting heavier and heavier with no sign of release, sometimes the best thing to do is just to be with it.
Just hear me out.
I know you’re already googling getaways to Hawaii and trying to figure out when you can burn it all to the ground, move across the world and take a well-deserved break for once.
Or maybe you’re the type to just tune it all out and dive headfirst into the next binge in an attempt to get some GD peace, quiet and space away from all of your responsibilities.
But what if the thing that could make it all better was actually turning towards it all?
That’s what I’m here to offer.
The practice of being present right here and right now so you taste real freedom and real choice, the kind that comes from deep acceptance and inner clarity.
Can you relate to this?
You’re going along doing the things – maybe that’s a job you’re good at, a relationship you love or a family you care for and everything feels great – that is, until it doesn’t.
In 2018 I finished my master’s program, quit my full-time job, and took a sabbatical to travel and be with myself. In 2019 I started my 1.5 year deep dive into coaching and completed my certifications.
And in 2020 I started my coaching business. I coached my first low-fee client, got my first full-fee client, launched my group course Pleasure as Medicine and things kept growing from there!
As I’ve hit this one year milestone of running my business I’m taking time to evaluate.
And here’s what I noticed:
I have only ever run a coaching business during a global pandemic, the worst fire season in California history and the racial justice reckoning of our generation.
Needless to say, it’s been a lot.
It’s been hard...
Have you ever felt like you weren't given all the pieces ?
If you could just find the missing pieces, life would make so much more sense.
I hear you.
My whole life I learned that to be successful, I had to work harder than everyone else and push harder.
If I was tired or worn down, I just had to keep forcing my way through.
But what if that's just one way of doing things?
From where I stand, there are two paths:
Path A - Pushing, Forcing, Fear-based, Patriarchal System, Zero Sum
Path B - Trusting, Deciding, Alignment-based, Post-Patriarchal, Collective
We're all very familiar with Path A.
This is the one most of us have been operating from our whole lives.
It's the path that tells us
More work = More reward
But I'm here to tell you that's only one option.
What if the power of your decisions, belief and alignment could help you have more success by doing less?
I want this for you
More joy, more pleasure, more success, more trust
Less work, less worry, less judgement, less fear
When was the last time you can remember feeling truly confident?
Paint the picture – where were you? what were you doing? what were you wearing? how did you feel?
It doesn't matter if it was last week or last decade, if you can remember a time when you felt truly in your power, comfortable in your own skin and in charge, you know what I mean when I say...
When you feel confident from the inside out, not because of praise or awards, something clicks inside
You feel more powerful than you've ever felt
You feel more free than you've ever felt
You feel more capable than you've ever felt
And you don't just feel this way, you actually are more powerful, free and capable when you deeply believe in and know your own strength!
When you feel confident from the inside out, you no longer have to play the game to work hard to get praise and get stuck in that cycle that sucks your soul and leaves you burnt out.
...but don't get me wrong, you *can* play the game, and you'll be a rockstar at...
I was asking myself this question after coaching amazing women this week who are killer bosses, tech leaders and rockstar moms but underneath they don't feel confident.
Why is it that the most successful among us are the least confident? Here's my take:
Every time you get accepted to a prestigious program or land the next promotion you get a quick confidence boost, but you end up feeling deflated when you find yourself at this next level surrounded by even more brilliant and successful people.
You start thinking: Who am I to be in this group? Am I worthy of this honor? Do I actually deserve to be here? And the unmistakable icky feeling of impostor syndrome sets in.
So what do you do? You work for the next quick hit of confidence!
You kill the next project, earn the gold star and get the recognition you crave to put your impostor syndrome at bay. But you know what happens next, don't you?
You end up right back where you were after that confidence boost wears off, still like an...
You're the big dreamer, the money maker, the mover and shaker. You're the cook, the cleaner, the teacher and the babysitter. You're the caregiver, the guide, the shoulder to lean on. And guess what?
You're burned the f out, spent, drained, lights gone out, going through the motions but your energy isn't in it.
But do you know what else I see?
Just under the surface, longing to be seen is the part of you that's infinitely powerful
The part of you that is VITAL and alive, even with the huge weight of stress and responsibility on you
The part of you that is WHOLE and perfect even with all the ways you feel broken and deficient
The part of you that is fiercely CONFIDENT even with all the self-doubt and criticism
The part of you that KNOWS exactly what you need to do to get what you want, even with all the confusion
Once you make space to connect with and empower THAT part of you, things will change in your life and there's no more effective way than in a dedicated 1:1...
Throughout my life, I've always felt like I've had to keep working, keep moving, keep doing one more thing. But that's also made it a struggle to chill the f out and enjoy my life.
Does this sound familiar? If so, this is for you!
You're driven, you're passionate and you want to do an excellent job at whatever you take on.
These are all amazing qualities, but you've probably already learned that they also make you waaay more likely to burnout.
Here's where your secret weapon comes in.
When you consciously choose to connect to yourself in a pleasurable way, you encode the message that you deserve to feel good.
When you continue to show-up and choose pleasure, you learn to prioritize yourself over all the other things that lead you to burnout, like over-achieving and over-giving.
You learn to put yourself first over all the other things you've been taught to prioritize.
Which means you can continue kicking ass and taking names, while sustaining your own energy.
Women are powerful and dangerous to the powers that be when connected to their bodies and erotic nature.
This is why my work is rooted in the body and dedicated to unwinding pernicious patriarchal patterns that lead us to perpetuate systems of oppression.
The same patterns that lead us to burn out are actually manifestations of white supremacy culture – more on that later this week!
As we continue to show up for change in our world, I cannot stress enough the importance of making space to 1) chill and rest and 2) actually feel pleasure and joy.
Choosing pleasure when everything else indicates you shouldn't – combined with taking action, of course – is the ultimate radical act, for all women but particularly for black and queer women whose identities intersect in increased layers of oppression. This is the origin of "intersectionality."
Audre Lorde, black lesbian activist and poet pictured below, wrote the essay Uses of the Erotic which was a big inspiration for me...
I know you're exhausted
I know you're overwhelmed
I know you're just trying to stay afloat
But trust me, this isn't how it ends
The thing is, beginnings often look a lot like ends
I know, trust me, I know IT CAN FEEL LIKE YOUR WORLD IS FALLING APART
And chances are, whether you identify as burned out right now, or not, I know you can identify with the feeling of the world as we once knew it ending.
So I ask you, what shifts when you approach this time as a new beginning rather than an ending?
IT'S TIME for reevaluation and big visions
IT'S TIME to decide what is most important
IT'S TIME to clarify our values and priorities
What shifts when you view burnout as a potent time of possibility?
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY to finally put yourself first
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY to recommit to your dreams
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY to learn deep lessons that will transform the rest of your life
How are YOU choosing to view burnout or this current time?
Lemme know if you're with me!
If you're desiring to shift into...
Work doesn't have to be a grind — are you willing to believe?
Notice what that brings up for you, just hearing me say that.
I know some of you might fight me on this but it's my job to challenge you, to invite possibility and support the shift from possibility to reality.
What if being an adult didn't have to suck?
What if work didn't have to drain you?
What if work could feel supportive?
What if stress wasn't the enemy?
What if you could feel that elusive thing we call balance?
Yeah I know, I am sitting pretty after leaving the tech world, I don't have kids, I don't have many expenses, yadda yadda yadda.
There are A MILLION REASONS to believe this is possible for me but NOT FOR YOU.
Notice that disbelief in yourself and in what's possible for you.
I know a lot of you struggle with this and it's something that often comes up with clients.
FOR YEARS I THOUGHT I HAD NO CHOICE
I had a cushy salary, amazing benefits and unparalleled perks. How could I...