Most weeks I feel like I have so much I want to tell you, but today I want to ask you something.
Wise traditions and cultures consider questions the best teachers. A single question can be guiding and working on us for years.
Here’s the question I’d like to offer you today:
What would it be like to have your body be your home?
I invite you to take the question in and see what it has to show you.
Feel free to journal on it, take it for a walk or take it into a meditation and repeat it over and over and see what comes to you.
That’s it for this week. As always, I would love to hear what comes to you as you reflect on this.
Shout out to the babes in my year-long mastermind program Radiance Collective who inspired this ;)
If you’re desiring some of this personal support magic, I have 2 x 1:1 coaching slots available. Now’s the time to book a call if you’re been thinking about it! Or just send me a message if you want to connect.
Do you ever have the days where you’re busy but nothing actually gets done?
You keep getting pulled in different directions and all of a sudden it’s 4PM and you’re wondering where the day went!?
Yeah, me too.
Yesterday it took me three hours (three freaking hours!!) to finish a 10 minute task!
The answer, my friends, is presence.
Presence is that state of mindful awareness where you're not worrying about the past or future, you're just being or doing in the present.
Presence can be a slippery lil fish, trust me, I know.
Sometimes the laaaast thing I want to be is present, cause then I would have to face all the things and feelings I've been avoiding.
What helps in these situations is tuning into your senses. Try looking at a pretty plant, taking a deep breath or listening to a beautiful song. Fully putting your awareness on one sense at a time.
The more we can do this, the more time expands. Our lives literally feel more spacious and free.
This is one of the most common questions I get – But Alyssaaa, why is it so hard to prioritize pleasure!? It should be easy...right? I meeeean this is pleasure we’re talking about here, not taxes!!
Listen, I get this question all the time so let’s take a breath, buckle up and go there.
Here are three factors that make pleasure so damn hard:
1. Our culture prizes productivity above all else
We have all been conditioned to be productive.
Our education system was literally designed with the goal of churning out efficient, reliable and productive workers. That is its objective.
It is not designed to make us happy.
It is not designed to help us find fulfillment.
It is not designed to help us heal, grow or evolve as full human beings.
It is designed to further capitalistic aims and fuel economic progress.
Read that again.
This value system instilled in our educational system is then reinforced in the workplace.
We’re expected to show up consistently everyday,...
Maybe you can relate to this?
I have a HUGE heart.
Like so freaking big it terrifies me.
When I let myself, I can feel so much so deeply.
So I keep it bottled up. I stay busy, stay focused, stay distracted, anything to stay on the surface.
I'm sitting here right now weepy with a wool blanket and some tepid tea on my lap.
My coach just supported me in letting myself feel into layer by layer the weight my heart has been holding these past couple months.
Layers of sadness, grief, despair.
Layers of longing, desire and purpose.
Layers of goodness, power and energy.
When I let myself feel through these layers, I get to this place where I feel my heart like this ball of energy in my chest that is at once a distinct sensation in my body and at the same time radiating infinitely in all directions.
The best way I can describe it is like a whole universe of energy and space and power inside of me.
I think many of us over-achievers and workaholics are this way too.
We feel things so deeply...
As women we are taught to dim our light, to censor our expression, to play small.
We’re taught to hide our brilliance, lest we outshine our partner, our parents, or our friends.
There are a million ways we hold ourselves back from being our truest, biggest, most fully expressed selves.
And psychologically it makes sense.
Many of us hold deep deep fears in our bones, from our own traumas, from our mothers’ traumas and from the culture we live in that tells us in so many ways that a woman who shines, a woman who embodies her power and her confidence is not safe.
The women who stand out, who speak up, who don’t play small are most vulnerable and likely to be knocked down.
But you are strong. You are brave. You have everything that you need inside to shake off this patriarchal residue and let your shine light up the freaking world.
It’s time, babe.
It’s time to stop hiding and playing small.
It’s time to step into your power.
It’s time to share...
Do you find yourself stuck in the trap of trying to figure out how to get the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect love and the perfect life? Trusting that once you do, then you'll be happy. Yeah, me too.
Many of us high-achievers spend ungodly amounts of time planning, scheduling, and trying to control our lives, bodies, careers, and love lives.
The truth is there is no future reality where you are perfect, have everything figured out and get all the things you want. Sorry, babe.
Consider this your official permission slip to stop obsessing over your schedule, perfecting your diet and trying to control your life to get to this mythical future reality – because – It. Does. Not. Exist.
Instead, focus on what is possible today.
Repeat after me
Perfect does not exist
There is only now
I get to choose how I feel
I get to choose how I act
Here's a simple process to start living in the present and release your inner perfectionist:
1 What is my vision for my life?...
When you see a woman growing, glowing and sharing her full self with the world have you had the thought – how dare she!?
I have that thought All.The.Freaking.Time.
When I see a peer post a risque photo
When I hear how much she's making
When I see friends grow and succeed
Here's what that voice says
How dare she show off her body
How dare she express that part of her
How dare she get so loud and powerful
If I'm reeeally honest, this is actually more like what it says:
That's so inappropriate. She needs to lose weight. She looks like a slut. Omg no one is going to take her seriously. She's not even that smart. Who does she think she is!?
Who does she think she is!? is a good one too.
These pesky, pernicious, patriarchal remnants
Ways we've internalized patriarchy and suffer the consequences internally
It's a way we self-police ourselves and others to keep everyone in check
If we don't feel free, she sure as hell shouldn't!
What if we noticed that...
Have you thought about what gives your life meaning recently?
Most people believe that your job has to be the thing that gives you meaning and purpose.
I believe meaning and purpose is accessible to everyone, anywhere at any time, regardless of what they do.
This should be obvious.
We're human beings.
We have a fundamental right to feel a sense of meaning and experience a sense of purpose in our lives, no matter what we do, no matter the phases and changes we go through in life.
But it's one of those insidious beliefs that so many of us have taken on, especially in the United States, that we have to find this through work.
We're programmed from a young age to search for this, a la...
What am I going to be when I grow up??
What's gonna be THE thing that gives me meaning, that gives me purpose, that gives me a sense of self, a sense of identity.
That's how our whole system is set up.
It sucks that so many of us are taught that this is the path to a fulfilling life.
At the end of the...
Do you love your body?
If you’re like most of us, the answer is probably uhhh, no...does anyone actually love their body?
I don’t know, but I think it’s worth trying, even if it feels overwhelming and very far away.
It takes so much energy to criticize yourself. Do you even realize how much energy you waste fighting with yourself everyday?
This month in Radiance Collective we are engaging in deep conversation and embodied practice around loving, celebrating and reclaiming our bodies.
Why? So we have more energy to live our lives! Love our people! And care about way more important things!
Here are some questions we pondered last night:
I invite you to take a few breaths with each of these questions or a few minutes journaling on them.
I want to acknowledge that there are a million reasons why you don't love your body. You’ve been told and...
Can you relate to this?
You’re going along doing the things – maybe that’s a job you’re good at, a relationship you love or a family you care for and everything feels great – that is, until it doesn’t.
In 2018 I finished my master’s program, quit my full-time job, and took a sabbatical to travel and be with myself. In 2019 I started my 1.5 year deep dive into coaching and completed my certifications.
And in 2020 I started my coaching business. I coached my first low-fee client, got my first full-fee client, launched my group course Pleasure as Medicine and things kept growing from there!
As I’ve hit this one year milestone of running my business I’m taking time to evaluate.
And here’s what I noticed:
I have only ever run a coaching business during a global pandemic, the worst fire season in California history and the racial justice reckoning of our generation.
Needless to say, it’s been a lot.
It’s been hard...