I was walking on the beach past a group of older millennials carrying surfboards and heard a woman turn to the man next to her and ask:
"Do you think I'm Type A?"
He hesitated and looked a little uncomfortable
At his unwillingness to answer, she proceeded to say, "You know, it's like a good thing. You're on top of shit and stuff."
I couldn't help but laugh, smile and feel for this woman.
This woman who was me.
I have prided myself on my diligence, responsibility and quality of work for a long time.
I still get judgy when I feel like people aren't getting shit done in the way I would 😂
But there's a difference between being in integrity with your commitments and being ruled by the drive to succeed.
It can be difficult to see that over-achievement and perfectionism are actually trauma responses because they are so celebrated in our society.
The flip side of this pattern is debilitating overwhelm where you actually can’t get much of anything done – if that’s more of where you are these days this is for you too.
Those of us with these patterns often received praise for how well we did and not for who we truly were growing up, which continued through our education and careers.
Achievement gave us a false sense of security (as long as I do a good job, I will be safe) and perpetuated a cycle of trying to feel good enough by doing and achieving more.
But no amount of hard work or achievement will give us what we most want:
>> to feel like we are good enough just as we are <<
You cannot achieve your way out of this.
It will never be enough.
It's not until we learn to believe we are lovable and good enough just as we are that we heal this pattern and free ourselves from compulsive working and striving so that we can pour our energy and skills into projects that feel really f*cking good and aligned!
If you feel this, please know it doesn't have to be this way forever
✨ It's possible to enjoy slowing down
✨ It's possible to discover meaning outside of work
✨ It's possible to let self-love and trust yourself lead you, not fear-based micromanaging
✨ It’s possible to heal AND still kick ass and get things done in a healthy way
But it takes your willingness to look deeper, get uncomfortable and try something new.
If you're looking for a place to explore, perhaps I am just the right coach for you. Get in touch to start the conversation.
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