Maybe you can relate to this?
I have a HUGE heart.
Like so freaking big it terrifies me.
When I let myself, I can feel so much so deeply.
So I keep it bottled up. I stay busy, stay focused, stay distracted, anything to stay on the surface.
I'm sitting here right now weepy with a wool blanket and some tepid tea on my lap.
My coach just supported me in letting myself feel into layer by layer the weight my heart has been holding these past couple months.
Layers of sadness, grief, despair.
Layers of longing, desire and purpose.
Layers of goodness, power and energy.
When I let myself feel through these layers, I get to this place where I feel my heart like this ball of energy in my chest that is at once a distinct sensation in my body and at the same time radiating infinitely in all directions.
The best way I can describe it is like a whole universe of energy and space and power inside of me.
I think many of us over-achievers and workaholics are this way too.
We feel things so deeply...
As women we are taught to dim our light, to censor our expression, to play small.
We’re taught to hide our brilliance, lest we outshine our partner, our parents, or our friends.
There are a million ways we hold ourselves back from being our truest, biggest, most fully expressed selves.
And psychologically it makes sense.
Many of us hold deep deep fears in our bones, from our own traumas, from our mothers’ traumas and from the culture we live in that tells us in so many ways that a woman who shines, a woman who embodies her power and her confidence is not safe.
The women who stand out, who speak up, who don’t play small are most vulnerable and likely to be knocked down.
But you are strong. You are brave. You have everything that you need inside to shake off this patriarchal residue and let your shine light up the freaking world.
It’s time, babe.
It’s time to stop hiding and playing small.
It’s time to step into your power.
It’s time to share...
Do you find yourself stuck in the trap of trying to figure out how to get the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect love and the perfect life? Trusting that once you do, then you'll be happy. Yeah, me too.
Many of us high-achievers spend ungodly amounts of time planning, scheduling, and trying to control our lives, bodies, careers, and love lives.
The truth is there is no future reality where you are perfect, have everything figured out and get all the things you want. Sorry, babe.
Consider this your official permission slip to stop obsessing over your schedule, perfecting your diet and trying to control your life to get to this mythical future reality – because – It. Does. Not. Exist.
Instead, focus on what is possible today.
Repeat after me
Perfect does not exist
There is only now
I get to choose how I feel
I get to choose how I act
Here's a simple process to start living in the present and release your inner perfectionist:
1 What is my vision for my life?...
When you see a woman growing, glowing and sharing her full self with the world have you had the thought – how dare she!?
I have that thought All.The.Freaking.Time.
When I see a peer post a risque photo
When I hear how much she's making
When I see friends grow and succeed
Here's what that voice says
How dare she show off her body
How dare she express that part of her
How dare she get so loud and powerful
If I'm reeeally honest, this is actually more like what it says:
That's so inappropriate. She needs to lose weight. She looks like a slut. Omg no one is going to take her seriously. She's not even that smart. Who does she think she is!?
Who does she think she is!? is a good one too.
These pesky, pernicious, patriarchal remnants
Ways we've internalized patriarchy and suffer the consequences internally
It's a way we self-police ourselves and others to keep everyone in check
If we don't feel free, she sure as hell shouldn't!
What if we noticed that...
Have you thought about what gives your life meaning recently?
Most people believe that your job has to be the thing that gives you meaning and purpose.
I believe meaning and purpose is accessible to everyone, anywhere at any time, regardless of what they do.
This should be obvious.
We're human beings.
We have a fundamental right to feel a sense of meaning and experience a sense of purpose in our lives, no matter what we do, no matter the phases and changes we go through in life.
But it's one of those insidious beliefs that so many of us have taken on, especially in the United States, that we have to find this through work.
We're programmed from a young age to search for this, a la...
What am I going to be when I grow up??
What's gonna be THE thing that gives me meaning, that gives me purpose, that gives me a sense of self, a sense of identity.
That's how our whole system is set up.
It sucks that so many of us are taught that this is the path to a fulfilling life.
At the end of the...
Do you love your body?
If you’re like most of us, the answer is probably uhhh, no...does anyone actually love their body?
I don’t know, but I think it’s worth trying, even if it feels overwhelming and very far away.
It takes so much energy to criticize yourself. Do you even realize how much energy you waste fighting with yourself everyday?
This month in Radiance Collective we are engaging in deep conversation and embodied practice around loving, celebrating and reclaiming our bodies.
Why? So we have more energy to live our lives! Love our people! And care about way more important things!
Here are some questions we pondered last night:
I invite you to take a few breaths with each of these questions or a few minutes journaling on them.
I want to acknowledge that there are a million reasons why you don't love your body. You’ve been told and...
I have a question for you today. Here it is:
Do you know who you are without work?
Before you keep reading, notice what happens for you when I ask that. Check in with your body. What do you feel? Is there disbelief, anger, confusion, tension or constriction? If so, it’s all welcome.
Many of us have carefully honed strategies we’ve been practicing since we were kids to feel safe, secure and loved in this wild world. Some of these – like working (a lot) – are so normalized in our culture that we don’t even realize that something feels off.
The strategies I see most often in my clients are the achiever, giver, people pleaser and perfectionist.
For me, working is a big one. The time I took off in 2018 was the scariest and most liberating thing I’ve ever done. It was the first time in my entire life I had given myself space from working, being in school or doing some other extracurricular activity. And it rocked my sense of self and identity.
Last week I was hosting a three-day live workshop called Alive Again and we had dozens of amazing women signed up! The first two days were amazing, but you’ll never guess what happened.
The worst case scenario...and I had to reach for all the pleasure and self-care tools that I teach my clients to take care of myself, work through my emotions, and make a decision to pivot the event!
If you identify with being a perfectionist and being very aware of how you are perceived by others, watch the video to hear how I worked my way through this one.
This is what taking radical responsibility looks like – even when you didn’t do something wrong!!
Curious? Catch the live video replay here
When do you find yourself performing and not showing up authentically? Where do you get stuck in perfectionism and the injustice of things going wrong even when you did everything “right”?
P.S. Want to learn the self-care and pleasure tools that help me move through...
Is your brain on your team or fighting you every step of the way?
If most of us answer honestly, our brain is definitely not on our side. It’s constantly telling us why we’re not good enough or can’t possibly have the things we desire. Why is that?
Well you see there’s this concept called resistance. You can think of it like a principle of nature – whether it’s resistance in an electrical circuit or friction generated by pushing something heavy –
Resistance is a universal reaction to change
In human beings, resistance can look like avoiding doing the things you know make you feel good, like meditating or exercising, in favor of what is comfortable and known, like perhaps Netflix ;)
Our minds are literally designed to resist change because what is known is always safer than what is new. To our brains, the unknown is always where potential danger lies..
To get your brain on board with your dreams and desires, you have to give your brain a...
I’ve been wanting to share this huge shift in my life but wasn’t sure how so I shared it in our weekly call for The Radiance Collective last week and it sparked so many perspective shifts and amazing conversations that I wanted to share it with you too, so here it goes:
I’m at my heaviest and have never felt more sexy than I do right now
Body image is a huge topic with my clients and we all carry so much shame and conditioning around what we look like and that little number on the scale (which is funny because I don’t have a scale and I’m just guessing that I’m at my heaviest )
Most people think that weight is a key indicator of health and happiness and they couldn’t be more wrong. There’s an entire body of research called Health at Every Size and if you’re baffled by this concept, I encourage you to go look it up, read a book, whatever you do.
I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and have never felt more sexy. I...