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Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?

empowerment Apr 28, 2022

Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?

The language of commitment gets thrown around a lot in the personal development field, and it's never quite sat right with me.

Maybe that's because I'm a commitment-phobe and so are a lot of my clients

I hear people ask...

What are you committed to?

What would it look like to fully commit to your goals?

It's presented as if commitment is the only way to see change in your life.

But I don’t buy it. Hear me out

I was strategizing with a client this past week around what it’s going to take for her to start showing up for herself and she realized there was something about *committing* that wasn’t working for her

There are a few options at this point – blame yourself / blame the client - or - admit that there could be a different way and be open to co-creating that

When we checked in with her body, committing felt restrictive and contracted.

Committing clearly hadn't been working for her since she'd been...

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Who are you and wtf do you want??

empowerment Apr 21, 2022

Have you ever considered why you have the job you have?

Why you went to the school you went to?

Why you’re into the things you’re into — why those sports or those teams or those hobbies?

Why you have an affinity for the specific foods or cultures you are drawn to?

Or for me like why do I love otters so freaking much !?! jokes, but srsly I love them.

When I trace back so many of the pivotal “decisions” in my life they weren’t even really decisions; they were just things I fell into because they were the next natural step or what my parents or society expected of me.

I can’t even think of an example from my life before five years ago that I made consciously because I wanted to do it.

Which begs the question… who am I really? What do I want? What do I like? How do I know what I truly stand for and that I’m not just living someone else’s life?

I’ve done a lot of different things to try to figure that out —...

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Hard things are what we make of them

empowerment Apr 07, 2022

We drove up the west coast of Ireland a couple weeks ago after a friend's wedding and stopped in a national park to stretch our legs on one of our long driving days.

It had been raining hard that morning and we bundled fully prepared for it to start coming down again on our walk.

We parked and made our way down to the trailhead and started along the loop.

It felt good to stretch our legs and see the wild beauty of the stark tundra-esque landscape.

Eventually we got to a decision point in the trail where we either continued on the same loop back down or went another three miles straight up to the top of a peak overlooking the coastline.

I assumed it wasn't even a decision. We had already been driving for a couple hours and still had a couple more to go with some other stops we were planning to make. We simply didn't have the time to do the extra hike.

Apparently that was not evident and my partner surprised me by assuming we were absolutely going to climb the mountain.

After my...

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I got my nails done today 💅

empowerment Mar 24, 2022

I got my nails done today.

I flipped through the color samples and chose a bright warm red labeled number 113 that looked like it might be the color I really like at the other salon I usually go to.

The nail tech brought out the bottle that corresponded to the sample I selected and set it down on the counter while she filed and shaped my nails.

While she fixed up my scraggly nails, I looked at the color of the bottle and realized it was more orange than I wanted and likely wasn’t the warm red that I had thought it was.

Then I had to decide if I was going to say something…

Some of you think this is ridiculous and wouldn’t blink an eyelash at sending food back if it wasn’t what you expected or asking for an adjustment to a haircut or other service.

In this situation, she hadn’t even painted my nails yet, it was really NOT a big thing to ask.

Those of you who hesitate…you get it. It’s that pesky people pleasing self-preservation instinct...

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Hey, did you hear?

empowerment Feb 24, 2022

I know it might feel like a weird time to prioritize yourself and sign up for a coaching call.

It totally is. And here’s what I want to remind you of today:

Remember that any response you're having right now is valid.
Remember that it's not selfish to take care of yourself.
Remember that punishing yourself doesn't help anyone.
Remember to be grateful for peace, especially in the face of war.
Remember that it's healthy to turn off the news and go outside.
Remember to take in any goodness you can today.
Remember to help in any way you can.
Remember to tend to your heart.

I’m still offering free coaching calls until next week and there’s no better time to give yourself this gift.

My clients pay thousands of dollars to get access to me but I'm offering up these coaching spots for free because I want you to be able to feel this for yourself.

I'm willing to stand on this proverbial street corner and look stupid to get you to sign up so I can show you just how powerful this work...

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Hard work does NOT equal results

empowerment Feb 10, 2022

I know you value hard work and respect others that give their all. It’s something you’ve taken pride in and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Here’s where it gets tricky.

Up until this point in your life, the next level of success and achievement has always come when you’ve found that next gear and given just a little more – push a lil harder in the race and you’ll PR, work a little harder on that next project and you’re up for promo.

There comes a time in every high-achieving woman’s life when she realizes that the life she wants simply isn’t possible by working harder.

This is when it’s essential to take a beat and reflect on what you truly want, not what you think you should want or should be doing. Get honest with yourself about why you’re hiding in your work (especially if it’s work that’s not actually aligned with your values) instead of focusing on the things that are truly...

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Are you falling into this trap?

empowerment Feb 03, 2022

Many of us aren’t taught how to access and listen to our own truth.

We live in a culture where celebrities and experts are revered and we defer our own authority to those who “know best.”

But what if they didn’t actually know best?

What if you always have been and always will be the most knowledgeable person on this planet on YOU? How could you not be?

So the next time you have the urge to ask someone else the answer to a question you could be answering for yourself, why not try asking yourself instead?

Please don't give yourself a hard time if you get stuck or feel kind of awkward.

Connecting in with our own truth is a skill not many of us are taught but it IS a skill we can develop.

Common pitfalls when trying to access our own truth include:

Expecting an answer immediately

Expecting an answer in the form of voice or clear Yes/No

Expecting it to work like it does for a friend or someone else

Interpreting your own fear/trauma as Truth

We all access our...

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Type A isn’t a badge of honor ❤️

empowerment Jan 27, 2022

I was walking on the beach past a group of older millennials carrying surfboards and heard a woman turn to the man next to her and ask:

"Do you think I'm Type A?"

He hesitated and looked a little uncomfortable

At his unwillingness to answer, she proceeded to say, "You know, it's like a good thing. You're on top of shit and stuff."

I couldn't help but laugh, smile and feel for this woman.

This woman who was me.

I have prided myself on my diligence, responsibility and quality of work for a long time.

I still get judgy when I feel like people aren't getting shit done in the way I would

But there's a difference between being in integrity with your commitments and being ruled by the drive to succeed.

It can be difficult to see that over-achievement and perfectionism are actually trauma responses because they are so celebrated in our society.

The flip side of this pattern is debilitating overwhelm where you actually can’t get much of anything done – if that’s more of...

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I believe you CAN have it all ✨✨✨

empowerment Jan 20, 2022

There’s so much noise and misinformation around women having it all. Here’s what I believe to be true.

First wave feminists fought for women having it all – the vote, the job, the family, the board seat, the social life.

This myth of having it all, and all being “the picture perfect life” left a lot of women dry, depleted and void of vibrancy.

Because at the end of the day, having it all meant DOING it all, on your own, working all day, child-caring all night, and somehow volunteering in the spaces in between.

I am so grateful to the women who paved the way for me to want more than this.

Because I *do* want it all and I believe you can have it too.

But to me, having it all means having what you truly deeply want.

Not what you think you *should* want
Not what your parents want for you
Not what society tells you to want
Not what your friends want

What YOU want.

Because OF COURSE you get to have what is most meant for you.

It’s outrageous to think you...

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What’s the difference between an over-achiever and a high-performer?

empowerment Jan 13, 2022

What’s the difference between an over-achiever and a high-performer?

This question has been rattling around in my brain and I finally had a chance to sit down and reflect on this today.

Here’s what I came up with:

Over-achievers think if they want something done well, they have to be the ones to do it.
Over-achievers don’t trust themselves, so they force themselves to work instead of trusting their natural ebbs and flows of attention and energy.
Over-achievers work to compensate for a part of them that feels incomplete – if I could just do one more thing, maybe I’ll feel good about myself, maybe I’ll have worth.
Over-achievers are driven by fear – if I don’t do this well, then I won’t be safe.
Over-achievers don’t have a clear sense of what’s important to them, so they often give more of themselves to work then they might actually want to.

High-performers know that they’re actually not the best at everything.
...

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