A million different times in a million different ways we hold ourselves back from what we most want.

We say we don’t know what we want. If we only knew…we could do something about it.

We justify the path we’re on by saying this is what everyone else is doing, this is what we got our degree in, this is what our parents think is right, this must be it.

We get a glimmer of something that lights us up, a new possibility, a new idea that sends a little jolt of energy up our spine, but we say no, no our life is pretty good as it is, people like me don’t do that, I don’t want to risk it.

We actually get a really clear vision of our ideal life. We can see where we are, the people around us and what our life looks and feels like but we’re terrified of what people will think…she did whaaaat!?

Maybe we actually make the leap and try to make it happen right away but it doesn’t come together as easily and quickly as we wanted so we give up and decide that we can’t actually have what we want.

My brain says you’ll hate me for this….and maybe you will! I can take that.

What I can’t take is women martyring themselves while claiming to be of service, making themselves small and denying their own needs in order to be liked and not make a scene.

We do not exist to prop up this f*cked system. To exist on breadcrumbs while we give and give and give, trying to keep our families, our schools, and the rest of it afloat.

Maybe it’s time we see what happens when we stop feeling responsible for holding it all together.

Maybe it’s time we take a stand for our own boundaries.

Boundaries = I know what I want and need and I am a stand for that.

Boundaries don’t prevent me from being generous.

Boundaries are actually what enable me to be generous.

If I don’t have boundaries, I’m not generous. I’m people pleasing, self-sacrificing and martyring myself while calling it generosity.

This is my story of owning what I desire to be paid for my labor, aka boundaries:

It's important to me to...

The day I traveled to Santa Fe to see my coach was one of those days when NOTHING was going my way…

Packing and getting to the airport felt stressful

I got a middle seat

I fucked up timezones and booked a shuttle to my hotel that left as our plane was
landing and had to spend $75 on a lyft

As we pulled into Santa Fe the air was brown with smoke from a pretty bad fire nearby

I was prepared for it to be smoky for my trip and for that to basically ruin all my plans.

On top of allll that I was paranoid that I was getting covid because a friend I had seen earlier that week tested positive and that would *really* ruin my plans.

So I did what any wellness oriented millennial would do, panic spent $80 at Whole Foods on coconut water and immunity boosting potions.

I walked into town for dinner wearing a mask because I had a headache from the smoke.

I tried to get into the flow and walk around downtown to find a restaurant we tried to go to last time I was here. But I couldn't find it s...

I hosted my first women's circle about 10 years ago.

I printed a how to lead a new moon circle article I found on the internet and invited my roommates to join me in the living room.

We moved the coffee table and pushed back the chairs so there was room for us to all sit in a little circle on the floor.

We lit candles, meditated, and took turns sharing our intentions for the new moon while we dropped essential oils into a bowl of Epsom salts.

Once we set our intentions, we divided the fragrant bath salts into individual containers so we could each take a bath and quite literally soak in our intentions.

Do I think the bath salts are magic? Not exactly

Do I think they have power? Yes

When we take action with intention, miraculous things can occur.

Rituals like this speak to deeper parts of the brain than if we had just told ourselves—I want this thing to happen in the next two weeks.

When we get more of you, more of your brain, more of your body, onboard with your desires, they ...

Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?

The language of commitment gets thrown around a lot in the personal development field, and it's never quite sat right with me.

Maybe that's because I'm a commitment-phobe and so are a lot of my clients 😂

I hear people ask...

What are you committed to?

What would it look like to fully commit to your goals?

It's presented as if commitment is the only way to see change in your life.

But I don’t buy it. Hear me out

I was strategizing with a client this past week around what it’s going to take for her to start showing up for herself and she realized there was something about *committing* that wasn’t working for her

There are a few options at this point – blame yourself / blame the client - or - admit that there could be a different way and be open to co-creating that

When we checked in with her body, committing felt restrictive and contracted.

Committing clearly hadn't been working for her since she'd been struggling to show ...

Have you ever considered why you have the job you have?

Why you went to the school you went to?

Why you’re into the things you’re into — why those sports or those teams or those hobbies?

Why you have an affinity for the specific foods or cultures you are drawn to?

Or for me like why do I love otters so freaking much 🦦!?! jokes, but srsly I love them.

When I trace back so many of the pivotal “decisions” in my life they weren’t even really decisions; they were just things I fell into because they were the next natural step or what my parents or society expected of me.

I can’t even think of an example from my life before five years ago that I made consciously because I wanted to do it.

Which begs the question… who am I really? What do I want? What do I like? How do I know what I truly stand for and that I’m not just living someone else’s life?

I’ve done a lot of different things to try to figure that out — I’ve fasted for days in the mountains, silently meditated for ten, done yea...

We drove up the west coast of Ireland a couple weeks ago after a friend's wedding and stopped in a national park to stretch our legs on one of our long driving days.

It had been raining hard that morning and we bundled fully prepared for it to start coming down again on our walk.

We parked and made our way down to the trailhead and started along the loop.

It felt good to stretch our legs and see the wild beauty of the stark tundra-esque landscape.

Eventually we got to a decision point in the trail where we either continued on the same loop back down or went another three miles straight up to the top of a peak overlooking the coastline.

I assumed it wasn't even a decision. We had already been driving for a couple hours and still had a couple more to go with some other stops we were planning to make. We simply didn't have the time to do the extra hike.

Apparently that was not evident and my partner surprised me by assuming we were absolutely going to climb the mountain.

After my p...

I got my nails done today.

I flipped through the color samples and chose a bright warm red labeled number 113 that looked like it might be the color I really like at the other salon I usually go to.

The nail tech brought out the bottle that corresponded to the sample I selected and set it down on the counter while she filed and shaped my nails.

While she fixed up my scraggly nails, I looked at the color of the bottle and realized it was more orange than I wanted and likely wasn’t the warm red that I had thought it was.

Then I had to decide if I was going to say something…

Some of you think this is ridiculous and wouldn’t blink an eyelash at sending food back if it wasn’t what you expected or asking for an adjustment to a haircut or other service.

In this situation, she hadn’t even painted my nails yet, it was really NOT a big thing to ask.

Those of you who hesitate…you get it. It’s that pesky people pleasing self-preservation instinct dressed up as not wanting to impose or put a...

I know it might feel like a weird time to prioritize yourself and sign up for a coaching call.

It totally is. And here’s what I want to remind you of today:

Remember that any response you're having right now is valid.
Remember that it's not selfish to take care of yourself.
Remember that punishing yourself doesn't help anyone.
Remember to be grateful for peace, especially in the face of war.
Remember that it's healthy to turn off the news and go outside.
Remember to take in any goodness you can today.
Remember to help in any way you can.
Remember to tend to your heart.

I’m still offering free coaching calls until next week and there’s no better time to give yourself this gift.

My clients pay thousands of dollars to get access to me but I'm offering up these coaching spots for free because I want you to be able to feel this for yourself.

I'm willing to stand on this proverbial street corner and look stupid to get you to sign up so I can show you just how powerful this work is and how powe...

I know you value hard work and respect others that give their all. It’s something you’ve taken pride in and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Here’s where it gets tricky.

Up until this point in your life, the next level of success and achievement has always come when you’ve found that next gear and given just a little more – push a lil harder in the race and you’ll PR, work a little harder on that next project and you’re up for promo.

There comes a time in every high-achieving woman’s life when she realizes that the life she wants simply isn’t possible by working harder.

This is when it’s essential to take a beat and reflect on what you truly want, not what you think you should want or should be doing. Get honest with yourself about why you’re hiding in your work (especially if it’s work that’s not actually aligned with your values) instead of focusing on the things that are truly meaningful – work that matters, alignment with your truth, quality time, living your desires ...