All the ways we hold ourselves back ❤️

empowerment May 27, 2022

A million different times in a million different ways we hold ourselves back from what we most want.

We say we don’t know what we want. If we only knew…we could do something about it.

We justify the path we’re on by saying this is what everyone else is doing, this is what we got our degree in, this is what our parents think is right, this must be it.

We get a glimmer of something that lights us up, a new possibility, a new idea that sends a little jolt of energy up our spine, but we say no, no our life is pretty good as it is, people like me don’t do that, I don’t want to risk it.

We actually get a really clear vision of our ideal life. We can see where we are, the people around us and what our life looks and feels like but we’re terrified of what people will think…she did whaaaat!?

Maybe we actually make the leap and try to make it happen right away but it doesn’t come together as easily and quickly as we wanted so we give up and...

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My brain says you’ll hate me for this

empowerment May 20, 2022

My brain says you’ll hate me for this….and maybe you will! I can take that.

What I can’t take is women martyring themselves while claiming to be of service, making themselves small and denying their own needs in order to be liked and not make a scene.

We do not exist to prop up this f*cked system. To exist on breadcrumbs while we give and give and give, trying to keep our families, our schools, and the rest of it afloat.

Maybe it’s time we see what happens when we stop feeling responsible for holding it all together.

Maybe it’s time we take a stand for our own boundaries.

Boundaries = I know what I want and need and I am a stand for that.

Boundaries don’t prevent me from being generous.

Boundaries are actually what enable me to be generous.

If I don’t have boundaries, I’m not generous. I’m people pleasing, self-sacrificing and martyring myself while calling it generosity.

This is my story of owning what I desire to be paid for...

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Ever have those days when nothing is going your way? 😡

empowerment May 13, 2022

The day I traveled to Santa Fe to see my coach was one of those days when NOTHING was going my way…

Packing and getting to the airport felt stressful

I got a middle seat

I fucked up timezones and booked a shuttle to my hotel that left as our plane was
landing and had to spend $75 on a lyft

As we pulled into Santa Fe the air was brown with smoke from a pretty bad fire nearby

I was prepared for it to be smoky for my trip and for that to basically ruin all my plans.

On top of allll that I was paranoid that I was getting covid because a friend I had seen earlier that week tested positive and that would *really* ruin my plans.

So I did what any wellness oriented millennial would do, panic spent $80 at Whole Foods on coconut water and immunity boosting potions.

I walked into town for dinner wearing a mask because I had a headache from the smoke.

I tried to get into the flow and walk around downtown to find a restaurant we tried to go to last time I was here. But I couldn't find it...

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Calling all Bay Area Babes! 📢📢📢

empowerment May 06, 2022

I hosted my first women's circle about 10 years ago.

I printed a how to lead a new moon circle article I found on the internet and invited my roommates to join me in the living room.

We moved the coffee table and pushed back the chairs so there was room for us to all sit in a little circle on the floor.

We lit candles, meditated, and took turns sharing our intentions for the new moon while we dropped essential oils into a bowl of Epsom salts.

Once we set our intentions, we divided the fragrant bath salts into individual containers so we could each take a bath and quite literally soak in our intentions.

Do I think the bath salts are magic? Not exactly

Do I think they have power? Yes

When we take action with intention, miraculous things can occur.

Rituals like this speak to deeper parts of the brain than if we had just told ourselves—I want this thing to happen in the next two weeks.

When we get more of you, more of your brain, more of your body, onboard with your desires, they...

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Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?

empowerment Apr 29, 2022

Are you a commitment-phobe when it comes to self care?

The language of commitment gets thrown around a lot in the personal development field, and it's never quite sat right with me.

Maybe that's because I'm a commitment-phobe and so are a lot of my clients

I hear people ask...

What are you committed to?

What would it look like to fully commit to your goals?

It's presented as if commitment is the only way to see change in your life.

But I don’t buy it. Hear me out

I was strategizing with a client this past week around what it’s going to take for her to start showing up for herself and she realized there was something about *committing* that wasn’t working for her

There are a few options at this point – blame yourself / blame the client - or - admit that there could be a different way and be open to co-creating that

When we checked in with her body, committing felt restrictive and contracted.

Committing clearly hadn't been working for her since she'd been...

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Who are you and wtf do you want??

empowerment Apr 22, 2022

Have you ever considered why you have the job you have?

Why you went to the school you went to?

Why you’re into the things you’re into — why those sports or those teams or those hobbies?

Why you have an affinity for the specific foods or cultures you are drawn to?

Or for me like why do I love otters so freaking much !?! jokes, but srsly I love them.

When I trace back so many of the pivotal “decisions” in my life they weren’t even really decisions; they were just things I fell into because they were the next natural step or what my parents or society expected of me.

I can’t even think of an example from my life before five years ago that I made consciously because I wanted to do it.

Which begs the question… who am I really? What do I want? What do I like? How do I know what I truly stand for and that I’m not just living someone else’s life?

I’ve done a lot of different things to try to figure that out —...

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Don’t miss out on what’s meant for you

pleasure Apr 15, 2022

A lot of the conversation around pleasure is around you getting to have what you most want. I’m obviously here for this message!

But when we’ve been so conditioned (and we have been!) to believe there’s a specific range of what’s possible for us, there’s a very high likelihood that we don’t even know what we want.

We go through the world with these kinds of blinders on.

Everything in our area of focus is a logical possibility for our life, based on what we know about ourselves, people like us, our history, and how things have gone for us up until now.

But what about everything outside of view? Just beyond your current expected reality?

What if what you most deeply want for your life is just out of view, just outside the range of what you think is possible and what you can allow yourself to imagine?

What then?

I’ve been realizing the extent to which I still deny myself what I most want.

When I refuse to make eye contact with anyone, when what...

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Hard things are what we make of them

empowerment Apr 08, 2022

We drove up the west coast of Ireland a couple weeks ago after a friend's wedding and stopped in a national park to stretch our legs on one of our long driving days.

It had been raining hard that morning and we bundled fully prepared for it to start coming down again on our walk.

We parked and made our way down to the trailhead and started along the loop.

It felt good to stretch our legs and see the wild beauty of the stark tundra-esque landscape.

Eventually we got to a decision point in the trail where we either continued on the same loop back down or went another three miles straight up to the top of a peak overlooking the coastline.

I assumed it wasn't even a decision. We had already been driving for a couple hours and still had a couple more to go with some other stops we were planning to make. We simply didn't have the time to do the extra hike.

Apparently that was not evident and my partner surprised me by assuming we were absolutely going to climb the mountain.

After my...

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Do you realize how much you are addicted to suffering?

pleasure Apr 01, 2022

Have you ever considered how much you actually like not feeling good?

I know it’s a bizarre question, but trust me it’s one worth investigating.

Humans are neurologically wired to focus on the negative, what's not working, what needs to be fixed (google negativity bias.) In fact, we spend inordinate amounts of time trying to solve problems that don't even exist!

This is partly what it is to be human and have this big ‘ole brain that's designed for SURVIVAL (aka problem solving and scanning for threats) vs THRIVING (aka actually enjoying life).

But this doesn't have to be your reality.

There are very practical strategies you can use to see the good, feel the good and actually let yourself take in the good.

Here's what I mean by taking in the good (or rather what I DON'T mean)...

Do you know someone who is rich but miserable?

Do you know someone who lives in the most beautiful place on earth but doesn't enjoy it?

Do you know someone or are you that someone who has...

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I got my nails done today 💅

empowerment Mar 25, 2022

I got my nails done today.

I flipped through the color samples and chose a bright warm red labeled number 113 that looked like it might be the color I really like at the other salon I usually go to.

The nail tech brought out the bottle that corresponded to the sample I selected and set it down on the counter while she filed and shaped my nails.

While she fixed up my scraggly nails, I looked at the color of the bottle and realized it was more orange than I wanted and likely wasn’t the warm red that I had thought it was.

Then I had to decide if I was going to say something…

Some of you think this is ridiculous and wouldn’t blink an eyelash at sending food back if it wasn’t what you expected or asking for an adjustment to a haircut or other service.

In this situation, she hadn’t even painted my nails yet, it was really NOT a big thing to ask.

Those of you who hesitate…you get it. It’s that pesky people pleasing self-preservation instinct...

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