Maybe you can relate to this?
I have a HUGE heart.
Like so freaking big it terrifies me.
When I let myself, I can feel so much so deeply.
So I keep it bottled up. I stay busy, stay focused, stay distracted, anything to stay on the surface.
I'm sitting here right now weepy with a wool blanket and some tepid tea on my lap.
My coach just supported me in letting myself feel into layer by layer the weight my heart has been holding these past couple months.
Layers of sadness, grief, despair.
Layers of longing, desire and purpose.
Layers of goodness, power and energy.
When I let myself feel through these layers, I get to this place where I feel my heart like this ball of energy in my chest that is at once a distinct sensation in my body and at the same time radiating infinitely in all directions.
The best way I can describe it is like a whole universe of energy and space and power inside of me.
I think many of us over-achievers and workaholics are this way too.
We feel things so deeply it’s scary. So we cork the bottle and shove that shit deep down, lest it interrupt what needs to get done.
In fact, we are so good at this, we might not even think we feel much at all.
For many years of my life I judged other people who seemed to have a lot of feelings or couldn’t stay focused. Like, why can't they just get their shit together...!? hahaha
I laugh at this because I know the fact that I can let myself feel so deeply now is a testament to the immense inner work that I have done. Feeling is human. Feeling is healing. Feeling is growth.
Authenticity is something I've struggled with my whole life. How do I just be myself? Who the fuck am I anyway? Just "being" me can't possibly be enough, right?
When we get stuck in questioning and doubting ourselves, our lives, everything and anything at all, let ourselves feeeel what's really going on is the way through.
I know now that following my heart instead of these thought spirals is the way.
When I'm connected to my heart I feel the most myself, the most vulnerable, the most open and able to connect with others.
My heart is my greatest gift, my greatest power. These words bring tears to my eyes as I write them for all the decades I've thought my mind was my greatest asset and top priority.
There is immense power and strength in feeling, arguably more than there is in thinking. 💗💗💗
How can you let yourself feel a little bit more today?